Wish You Were Here

Having a great time in Oregon. The area is beautiful, the weather is perfect and best of all Eugene is a town run entirely by teenagers or adults who act like them. It is literally Neverland. Yes there are pirates, in fact my neighborhood flies it's own pirate flag!
I'm currently writing from the library and getting ready to apply for a job here after which i'm heading out to get the rest of my costume for a rave this weekend. I'll have my home internet hooked up soon. Hope all is well with everyone else.

XOXO
Alex

I'm Off!

I'll be on the road tomorrow morning and should make it to California in 2 days or so. I'll be visiting my grandparents for a few days and then it's up to Oregon! So until then, be well and I hope I see you all when I have internet access again. Probably won't be too long since I have panic attacks and tear at my hair when i'm not able to log on.

xoxo
Alex

P.S. Just a suggestion, If you love kwah tiki yah flicks go rent "KUNG FU HUSTLE" right now! It's the best fooey i've seen in years.

P.S.S. Steven, Good luck with your gig tomorrow. Bite Will on the leg for me. My mother eagerly awaits Awards tickets, so hurry up and make yourself famous.

Boob Villa

Well the lack of posting was due to getting my mothers house in move-in condition and the back house to rental condition so I can get the hell out of this holy rolling steam blowing shit pit and get to Oregon. I go either tomorrow morning or saturday morning. Probably saturday because im pretty tired and need a rest. For the last month or so I've been working 9 to 10 hours a day 6 to 7 days a week. When I wasn't working I was making trips to Lowes or Home Depot. No big deal except they are in shreveport over an hour away.
I am pretty proud of having done all the work myself, for my first time I think I did ok.
This is the cottage out back, it used to be a beauty shop. Just getting to this stage took ripping out carpet and chiseling away what was under that, 50 year old green vinyl tile. It made me grumpy.. You remember the kind they had in the lunch room at elementary school? Yeah that stuff.
Before

After that I laid down wood floors, painted, put up wainscot and trim and put together a couple of the kitchen cabinets. There is more to do but the rest is pretty simple stuff that shouldn't cost her very much and she needs an electrician and plumber in there anyway. 2 things that I wont touch. Electric because i'm e-scared and plumbing because..well, there is a good reason why those guys get paid a lot of money. *shudder*
After



In the main house there was what we called "The Red Room". The previous owner had put down faux wood floors in the form of vinyl sheeting. The walls, I found out later were actually panneled with wallpaper board, you know the kind that goes in old mobile homes. Well you can't take the paper off that so the owner just got a bucket of drywall compound and went to town, making big blobs hoping for a faux venetian plaster finish im guessing. You'll see where I've had to sand down the blobs with a belt sander. The paneling was apparently put up over a textured wall that was too lumpy to take wallpaper. I found THAT after tearing out old built in book cases that they just walled AROUND. If only I had known that fact before I started trying to rip them out. I was literally hanging from the lip off the top and pushing off the wall with both feet trying to get the damned thing to budge. I dangled precariously hoping for the tell tale crack that I knew would send me falling on my ass, it never came. Instead I spent 20 hanging minutes wishing I had me some man muscles and cursing my noodly girly ones. Here is the aftermath...


You see the old green/blue walls in chunks that I had to fill in there with more luanne (sp?) and spackle etc etc.



Anyway it is all better now after 8 coats of Killz.

There was a long list of other stuff I had to do. Put quarter round through-out the house, paint etc. So that's where i've been. I'm pretty thrilled with myself but i've also decided that i'm pretty slow at everything. I'm going to take a few construction courses when I move to OR. There are womens groups there for chicks who like tools, so we'll see how that goes. Maybe it won't be so tiring when im not in louisiana heat. =)

Letting it all hang out

My ex decided to write me after 8 months of not speaking. I was dumb enough to reply and he is ignoring me again. Will someone please explain to me why? What is the point? And why do I continue to let him hurt me?


Alex,

Before you even start reading this, I want you to know that you do not need to write back. I'm not doing this for a response....

I just wanted to say that I know what I've done to you and there isn't anything that I can say to take the pain that I caused away, However that is not my intention. I am writing this so that you will know that I am sorry, as sorry as I possibly can be. I'm sure by now that you are somewhat over me and have moved on with your life and to be honest, that is what I have been hoping for all along. At night I imagine you you healthy, probably having stopped smoking and lost the weight that you had been wanting to get rid of... working on something constructive and probably in Oregon where you belong. At least this what I hope for you. Maybe you'll take comfort in knowing that I have regressed in many ways... and that I have seen and done things completely out of character for me and feel like the worlds biggest piece of shit for it.

I'm sorry for everything that I am and ever was. I'm sorry that I could not be the person that you needed and should have been.. I'm a child. Thats hard to admit because I like to think of myself as something more than that, but it is the truth....

Anyway... if you read this.. I just want you to know that you have not been and never will be forgotten and I will always love you.

I hope that you are well.

TJ

Alex L wrote:

How is Milo.

t j wrote:

You will be happy to know Milo is doing well.


Alex L wrote:


Sorry to hear that you aren't.

I have not been sure what to say. You are and always will be the love of my life. At least the person I thought you were will be. If the last year is any indication it seems I wont ever entirely get over that person. Anyone I have dated since then has been brutally compared. I know eventually I will have to settle or stay alone.
It's interesting that you would be writing me now. I am leaving for OR. in 5 days. Yes i've quit smoking (3 months so far), lost half the weight anyway and I have a lot of plans for the future. Overall I am well I guess.

And I'm sorry too. You were always the person I needed, I don't know what you thought I wanted but I already had it so far as I was concerned.

Anyway, how come you decided to email now?


Maybe he thought he'd rip off the scab and dig his finger in one last time. I don't know, I feel nauseous. I wish I could just let it all go and not care anymore.

Goofy Pics

Since things have been so serious lately I thought i'd add a little levity and give people something to laugh about....



I'm very serious.


But seem to be happier with 70's hair.

Tomorrow i'll post some photos of what i've been doing all this time. I'm tired and I need someone to rub my feet.

Victims keep being Victimized

WTF? 3 Days these people have been wading around without food or fresh water. Where the hell is all the federal aid? Where is the military? Where are the celebrity fund raisers? Why the f*k isn't Brad and Angelina on TV gathering help for OUR country? Aren't they exotic enough? Or maybe that's part of the problem.
I can't tell you how many people are wandering around MY city not knowing what to do with themselves. People are desperate, some of them are fighting. It is breaking my heart, especially when it comes to the elderly. I don't think most people realize what a 100 degree day is like in Louisiana. I can't imagine having to deal with it for 3 days, knee deep in dirty water with no fresh water to drink. It must feel like they've been suffering forever.
Seems that priority 1 to the powers that be are oil and gas prices. That's all i'm hearing Georgie talk about. Fuck the goddamned gas. People are still dying. Get off your collective asses and do what you've been over paid for.

The lack of progress for this situation is completely pathetic and there is no excuse for it. There isn't enough profanity to express my disgust.

..And then they made me their chief

Sorry to anyone who cares.., I've suddenly had a lot to take care of. I'll be back when I can.

Dear London

My heart goes out to you and my thoughts are with you. I'm sure all of americas thoughts and prayers are for the victims and their families right now. I do hope they catch those responsible quickly.

The lazy I don't feel like posting anything post

Luckily I could steal this questionare from Larry. Thanks Larry. :)

Name: Alex
Nickname: Lizard, Nurse Porn (NOT for the reason you think)
Astrological sign: Scorpio
Age: 32
Height: 5'9"
Weight: I'll tell you when I get down to 118 again
Occupation: Gypsy
Birthplace: Brooklyn, New York
How many children: None
Do you drink (alcohol): Only occasionally and only to get drunk, stuff tastes terrible why drink it if not to get lit?
Do you smoke: I'm on the patch!
Favorite outdoor activities: jogging or taking walks, sex, if it's not a million degrees pretty much anything.
Favorite indoor activities: reading, movies, this computer, sex
Favorite colors: Red, Pink, Green
Favorite type of music: Punk/hardcore

Favorite musical groups/performers: Dead Kennedys, Subhumans, Janes Addiction, The Doors, Violent Femmes, Black Flagg, The Cramps, that is Adam Ant back in the day to the left of my blog there. Gorgeous man he was. Tons of classic as well, Led Zep, Bob Marley, Janis Joplin, Black Sabbath.

Favorite song at the moment: Don't really have one. I've been listening to Mountain Song a lot. From Janes Addiction.
Favorite song of all time: That is just an impossible question, couldnt pick one.
Favorite current song, alternative: I don't know what you crazy kids listen to these days.
Favorite current song, non-alternative: yeah right
Song that never fails to put me into a good mood: Tainted Love by Soft Cell
Should the song above fail, I'll play: Bikini Girls With Machine Guns, The Cramps
What's in your home CD/Cassette player right now: Never Mind the Bollocks here's the Sex Pistols
What's in you car CD/Cassette player right now: Nothing Shocking, Janes Addiction.
Do you play an instrument: Nah but all my boyfriends have.=P
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping: No but i've jumped in fully clothed more than once.
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up: Elvira, or at least the new host of Movie Macabre and then an Archaeologist.
What would be your dream job now: Jet Setting eccentric Billionaress..barring that, still an archaeologist.
Have you ever been convicted of a crime: mmm no
Places you'd most like to visit: New Zealand, Santorini Greece, All of southern Italy, Maybe Turkey, England to break one off of Paul.
Your first car: A 1952 Chevy Deluxe with pink and purple flames. I crashed it.
Dream car: 64' and a half ford mustang.
Car you drive now: One step above pinto, Geo Metro Hatchback
Favorite season: Fall
Favorite holiday: Halloween, I still dress up and set up my house to scare the hell out of the little'ins
Favorite hobbies: This! Reading, carpentry
Favorite sport to play: Soccer, baseball
Favorite sport to watch: maybe aussie rules footy
Least favorite sport to watch: All the rest, watching sports on tv is boring crap I think.

Most humiliating moment: hmm there are so many...At 15 I had a crush on a senior boy, who knew it. I was at my locker one day, which was a bottom locker and forced me to squat down. As my crush walked by he thought he'd be funny and shut it on me, instead of closing, the door slammed against the jam, flew back, hit me on the head and knocked me on my butt. He felt bad but for some reason I felt stupid.

Do you have any siblings: No, only child
Do you get along with your parents: We share a comfortable mutual denial. But at least we don't fight.
Favorite place to chill: Right here
Favorite place to visit: New Orleans
What is your bad time of day: Getting out of bed
What is your good time of day: Any free time
Favorite flower/plant: Sunflowers, because they are gigantic beauty! Beauty that shines down on you.
Favorite subject in school: History and English in High School. Anthropology and writing in college.
Least favorite subject in school: I am mathmatically retarded.
Favorite authors: Mostly horror, Koontz, King, Poe, Lovecraft, Asimov, Classics. I love shakespear and J.M. Barrie.
Favorite book: Don Quixote
Current book I'm reading: In Search of the Trojan War by Michael Wood and The Lost World of Pompeii by Colin Amery, also Roadwork by stephen king
Favorite magazine: Archaeology, Jane, This Old House
Favorite movie of all time: Impossible question! If I HAD to choose, Evil Dead II Dead by Dawn.

Other favorite movies: There are just tons...Goonies, Yellowbeard, Princess Bride, Lord of the Rings, Thin Man, anything Tim Burton-y or M.Knight, Enter the Dragon or any Bruce Lee Hong Kong Fooey, Jeepers Creepers, Cabin Fever, All Zombie Movies especially shaun of the dead, Lost Boys, Pirates of the Carribbean, Harry Potter, Star Wars..the first 3. Reservoir Dogs, Killing Zoe, Dusk Till Dawn, SLC Punks,Suburbia, any creature feature or black and white including but not limited to, Plan 9 from Outer Space, The Day The Earth Stood Still, King Kong, Abbott and Costello monster movies and of course, The Godfather. This could be the longest list in history if I let it.

Favorite actors/actresses: Gary Oldman, Leonardo (Hey he's a good actor ok!) Al Pacino, Kate Winslette, The Patron Saint of Horror fans, Bruce Campbell
Favorite cartoon character: Fry from Futurama
Favorite food: Anything Greek. I love souvlaki
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups
Favorite alcoholic drink: Madori Sours
What is your bedtime: Depends, anywhere from 2am to 6am
Worst enemies: Fundamentalists

Interesting fact about your childhood: When I was a kid I was always climbing things. At any point I could be found up a tree or on a roof. I'd climb semi's, ditches, whatever. The day my step dad walked down the hallway and found me braced between the two walls and staring down at him from the ceiling was the day I got the nickname "Lizard".

The first thing you think of in the morning: "Crap, I lived"
Favorite thing to do when you're home alone: masturbate furiously
Things that make you feel good: Exercise, Pauls brutal idea of flirtation, staring at the ocean.
Things you don't like: Feet, spiders, beets, people who talk down to waitresses or snarky people in general.
Scariest feeling in the world: Unknown bug projectiles landing in your hair, That moment when you're out in the dark and you realise someone is behind you.
Best feeling in the world: intimate hugs, eating ice cream
Do you get motion sickness: Only on fishing boats and only on the ocean
Roller Coasters - Deadly or Exciting: Exciting, love them.
Thunderstorms - Cool or Scary: Cool, love them too. Especially with flannel jammies a good book and hot chocolate.
Pen or Pencil: Computer
Do you like to drive: All the time, I take road trips whenever possible.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: No, but I sleep with my cat and I do have one stuffed animal from my childhood that sits on my nightstand, "Boofy" the dog.
Did you have imaginary friends or a blanket as a child: Neither, it was just me and Boofy
What words or phrases do you overuse: I curse too much, Right On!

Coolest things anyone ever gave you: a birthday present relating to Peter Pan,(one of my favorites) wrapped in brown paper and rope twine with an address from "Neverland". It's my favorite just because he had put in so much effort and it was so well done that I didn't want to open it and ruin it.

How would you characterize your political leanings: Middle of the road
If you could pick one super-human power, what would you choose: Invisibilty/super strength.
Favorite Quotes/Lyrics/Poems:

Quotes:

"I always respected the rules. I broke them all, but I respected them."
-Faye Dancer, AAGPBL

"First you take a run at La Fours with a sock full of quarters. I'd do it, but I threw my back out humping your mom last night. Neege."
-Jay, Mall Rats

--------------------------

Poetry:

Excerpts from Jim Morrison

Have you ever seen God?"
-a mandala. A symmetrical angel.

Felt? yes. Fucking. The Sun.
Heard? Music. Voices.
Touched? an animal. your hand.
Tasted? Rare meat, corn, water,
& wine.

------------------------------------

Ladies & gentlemen:
please attend carefully to these words & events
It's your last chance, our last hope.
In this womb or tomb, we're free of the swarming streets.
The black fever which rages is safely out those doors
My friends & I come from
Far Arden w/ dances, &
new music
Everywhere followers accrue
to our procession.
Tales of Kings, gods, warriors
and lovers dangled like
jewels for your careless pleasure

I'm Me!
Can you dig it.
My meat is real.
My hands--how they move
balanced like lithe demons
My hair--so twined and writhing
The skin of my face--pinch the cheeks
My flaming sword tongue
spraying verbal fire-flys
I'm real.
I'm human
But I'm not an ordinary man
No No No

---------------------------------


Song Lyrics

We held hands on the last night on earth.
Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees,
screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves.
It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated
along the bottom of the river.
So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea
and the shattered seasons lay,
and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease.
In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner."
The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide.
We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes
of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress.
The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn
as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop.
The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime.
I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked
if you would accompany me in a quick fall,
but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't for two.
I rode alone.
You said, "The cinders are falling like snow."
There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty,
bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence.
Of blue and grey.
Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city.
The sun was stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon
and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines.
Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward,
and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched
into the earth like a message.

- AFI

Radical,vegan/veggie/queer/trans friendly animal lovin house

I've been looking at roomate wanted sites for the move to Oregon. I figured sharing space will make the transition and going back to school much easier. These are some of the actual adverts. Hmmmm decisions decisions...

$215 - radical, vegan /veggie, queer / trans friendly, animal lovin'.......

We are a collective household, made up of 2 womyn,3 guys, 2 dogs and 2 cats. we are looking for another womyn identified person. we are politically radical,mainly vegan ( we cook some vegetarian things in the house but no eggs). we re into dumpstering, gardening (kind of permaculture style,in our double lot, which we re just getting started on), bikes, music, diy living.

I didn't know there were such things as Nazi Vegans.

we dont drink much ( especially not in the house), and some of us not at all. we re looking for someone who s into open and honest communication and open to working on their shit.

If there was ever a line so resplendent in simple trashiness to completely negate the possibility of a sufficient sarcastic response.. nay, not even that! It speaks for itself and requires none...

we have a shak and a trailer in the yard which are lived in. we re queer and
we re trans friendly.

we need someone who can be respectfull of the humyn and animal friends here alike. our 2 dog friends here are shephard crosses and tend to be a bit barky. not obsessive but they do like to protect the place. also when having new friends over for the first couple of times it can take a good 5-10 minutes to help the dogs feel comfortable with them, and this is something that each roomate is responsible for. they are in no way vicious, just wary and scared of some newcomers, especailly guys, as one of them came from an abusive situation. but unfortunately, we dont want to have any more animal friends here.

please contact us if you think you might be interested in joining our home

Seeking 2 Fabulous People for 2 Groovy rooms!


I have a vision for this place, and am looking for people who resonate with that vision. ......I am creating a living place that flows with positive energy, both of laughter and peace, creativity.......

My chi is practically re-aligning itself..

I am going to be doing some natural building and permaculture in the house/yard. Are you down? Light clay/straw wall for my bedroom, cob wall around the front yard. I would love to have people around who are interested in this way of building, who would like to have natural plaster on their bedroom wall, who like mud.

There will most likely be a kiln available on site, a small basement for clay?, or other such things. A garage, a roofed concrete area, soon to be clothesline. I eat meat but rarely cook it in the house excepting fish. Don’t watch TV, my bike loves me, Burning Man (Black Rock Boutique, yo), City Repair.


I can almost smell the patchouli oil.

But I tell you what, it still beats the shit out of "Strong Christian Household has room for Closed Minded Biggoted Fundamentalist, Fags Not welcome". Can't wait to get out of here even if it means I have to grow out my pit hair, create hemp rope macrame plant slings and knaw tofu.

I know I know!

But I've been busy OK? Mom finally bought a house so I've been helping her out with the particulars there. She wants all sorts of work done including putting wood floors (floating, thanks be to the gods) throughout, which I'm expected to do. She also has a backyard cottage that she wants made over. Most of last weekend was spent at Home Depot and Lowes deciding on what all she needed. So for the next month I'm going to be tearing out crap plywood walls, insulating and putting up new drywall, tearing out carpets and re-situating all sorts of cabinetry. Worth it for me though so she won't complain when I store all my crap at her house instead of paying 50 bones every month for storage when I leave for OR.
Also I've been on a diet the last few weeks which meant more time devoted to exercise, most of which I have to wake at the buttcrack of dawn or wait until late evening to do or face death by heat stroke. In the midst of my peanut m&m withdrawals I somehow decided now would be the best time to totally quit smoking as well and I got on the patch. Suffice it to say I've been a smidge on the cranky side.
However, I've already lost an official 7lbs. Hooray for me. To reward myself I've used my saved smoke money to buy this....



It was on sale.

I want these to go with...



Hey that would make a good super hero costume. =P Unfortunately I can't get the boots right now, unless someone wants to buy them for me...anyone? Anyone? Paul? Nah didn't think so. I'm still pretty stoked though.

That should keep some imaginations busy for a while, heh. Yes i'm evil.

A New Recruit

It seems yet another innocent has been sucked into the behemothic blog vortex. I've "known" Paul a long time now, in fact he's the totally inappropriate love of my life, (*sigh* so many missed opportunities) being both far too young and far to attached. Anyway, I know that his writings will be of interest to anyone who might enjoy the stories of an impetuous english youth's abuse of alcohol and persistant pursuit of debauchery. And hey, who doesn't love impetuous english youths? There's the fighting, the shaved heads, the olympic level cursing! I predict that older men will heave heavy sighs remembering their lost youth, feminists heads will explode and it's very likely we'll all reach orgasm.

Therefore, please welcome to the blogosphere the preeminent professional of prodigious profanity, without further ado, I give you....

Home of the Plastic Existence and Misspent Youth

Almost Ready to Move

I've been kind of distracted lately with the business of moving. Trying to figure out what needs to go and what should stay in storage. I guess I am a little saddened to think of leaving though I didn't believe I would be.

In summers most of my mornings are spent scrambling to finish whatever needs to be done in order to quickly escape into air conditioned comfort for the rest of the day. But this weekend was a busy one and left me doing chores with the humidity draining my energy for whatever free time I had left. If it were not so warm here I think I might have considered staying.

Right now, the day hangs a humid haze. Cicadas drone, aphids swarm in their dancing clouds creating different shapes. The slight disturbance in the leaves of kudzo leaden trees only foster the stagnant aura. There is the lap of lakewater against a rotting boat. A distant farm carries soft sounds of impatient horses and the cooing response of the farmers patois, which for all my high school french I understand very little of. In my mind I can almost imagine some faint and slow zydeco like fiddle as I sit surveying this mornings green nothing from my porch. All combine into a gentle din that I will now and forever associate with near intolerable heat.

Thankfully, there is the smell of relief in the air, a heavy gray sky seems to bring a hush of anticipation. It feels as if everything is waiting for the first thunder. Rain is welcomed and often wished for from every creature here I think.

I will miss it, I like it here though it's not quite the same as New Orleans which I love beyond any other place i've been. It holds some of the same eccentricities and surreal qualities that after nearly a year I have only just begun to take for granted. But the heat? That will most certainly not be missed but hopefully, blissfully forgotten in Oregons cooler climate.

Raiders of the Lost Ark, Hope No Ones Face Melts Off

So I've read through the grapevine that through the copper scroll, Vendyl Jones, (yes "Dr. Jones") thinks he has finally deciphered the location to the ever elusive ark of the covenant. He plans on going to the location and digging a hole large enough to lower a camera in and broadcast the event live to the world as it happens.

Anyone who knows me or has read through my journal knows that my lifes interest has been archaeology and my college major was anthropology. And Vendyl Jones or rather "Indiana Jones" the movie character is after all largely responsible for my transition from child paleontologist to seriously studying for a career in Anthropology. I have great respect for the man despite any differences in ideals merely for that reason alone. While I've tended to purposefully focus my attention away from the biblical facet, even I have to be extremely excited at what would turn out to be the most significant archeological discovery attained to date.

This find ranks in the top 5 along with the absolute missing link, the holy grail, discovering the true Atlantis and comfirming M theory. In the archaeology community it is very roughly equivilant to winning the national lottery on your 18th birthday.

Despite my excitement I can't ignore the possible rammifications of such a find that I'm not sure most people are fully able to grasp. Far be it from me to begrudge an old man from the very completion of his entire lifes work, but should he manage to not pull a Geraldo here and really find this thing it could mean a major change in the world as we know it now.

For someone like me, it is merely another historical artifact created by men and the discovery of such an artifact probably won't shed any light on it's potentially metaphysical origins. The problem is, for purposes of propoganda, the power and profit groups will try to limit our acces to and interpretation of it. Also if we take their discoveries seriously based on some sort of assumption that science and research and logic can gives us accurate and useful information from the ark that can be used to advance the cause of humanity then, they should also feel compelled to yield to our discoveries like evolution, stem cells, birth control, etc.

Splintering the multi-hued mirror of human discovery and invention into shards and fragments of competing ideologies is what created the need for the ark in the first place. If you read the Hebrew scriptures, god always desired a relationship with his people. He initially asked them to come to his mountain, all of them, and that he would walk among them and be with them. They decided to send Moses instead, put god behind a curtain, asked for laws instead of justice and made faith into an oppositional and secluded type of anti-intellectualism. By they I don't mean jews, although I would include them in this. I mean all of us.

If the ark is severely limited then people will run away with their own ideas as has been done for centuries with the bible, only for many this will be the ultimate confirmation and excuse to go ahead with some very foul and sadistic dealings. Those of us who like our freedom of will, could find ourselves fighting for that right (some of us feel we are already).

Also, I don't like the idea of god being in some object or some location that can be put behind glass and people can pay seven dollars (five for students) to rent multi-lingual headsets where James Earl Jones bellows on about the budding staff of Aaron. I just envision a scene that is a constant circus of fundamentalists, salesmen, crackpots and government officials swarming around outside of some Ark amusement park with a ride that parts the Red Sea and a virtual reality room to experience the biblical plagues of locusts and raining frogs. It's Holy Disney folks, come one come all, take a tour of King Solomons mines, pay $10 for your Moses burger and 39.95 to get a Queen of Sheba costume for the kiddies.

If this is legit, and Dr. Jones is correct or this isn't merely the Ark copy, it poses limitless social, political, historical and I guess ultimately spiritual significance. Let us hope the powers that be and humanity keep a level head.

Hmm I wonder if they'll try sprinkling goats blood on Yom Kippur? Anyway, heavy subject for my first day back eh? The next will be more comical I think. Thanks to those of you who worried about me, you're really sweet. =)

Bikini Girls With Machine Guns

I know I haven't posted lately but I wasn't feeling too talky and didn't have much to say. I'm not a talkative person anyway. This is pretty much my biggest outlet except for the phone. In day to day 'real life' I don't talk much at all. I prefer not to babble just to hear my own voice. I know I know, I'm an anomaly to my gender.

But that is true of a lot of things about me. Most women couldn't tell you what the industry considers to be the worst horror movie of all time, nevermind own it. Most women wouldn't know the characters from Sin City or the story of The Punisher BEFORE the films came out and most don't know Stan Lee. Most women will never know what a sliding T bevel is, let alone have their own toolbox.

I've always been odd for a girl.

I am still very girly. My most ridiculous possessions include an 80 dollar handbag and 20 dollar rhinestone hoop earings. I paint my nails AND toes religiously. I hate most sports. I want breast augmentation. I know very little about cars and won't touch my engine because I don't want to get dirty. I scream like a 6 year old when I see a spider.

Other peoples reaction to me is at odds as well, the two most common phrases I hear being "You're a pretty girl" and paradoxically "You have a lot of balls". Go figure. Men fall in love with me for the same reasons they later break things off. I'm a "cool and interesting" girl until they start to confuse my silence for coldness and my independence makes them feel un-needed. No man likes being told what kind of drill bit to use on a job or being out-hit by a girl at the batting cages. With respect to men I have had to bite my tongue, play dumb and frequently pretend helplessness. It is annoying and it gets exhausting when you've been doing it a long time.

My life on the whole has been a little out there too. Extracurricular activities have included, horse training, driving demolition derby and modeling in small runway/hair and makeup shows. I've skied down the Colorado river in an american flag bikini and i've done it sporting a Tattoo that is NOT on the small of my back. I've traveled across the US and Australia mostly on my own. I am forever trying to reconcile my wish to ride motocross with my desire to do it in glittery hot pink gear and helmet.

Anyway, due to my freakishness, this blog will go on the occasional mini hiatus while I get through one of my anti-chat phases. I knew it was time to take a break when I resorted to posting a web test. I apologize to those of you who were disturbed by the mutant-y picture of the last post and i'll try to leave things on a more pleasant note next time. =P

The Self Pity Post

I've come to the realization that when it comes to men I have a definite 'type'. If they look anything like this...



Or This...



Or, heaven help me...



And most especially like this... (seeing the pattern yet?)


Look this fabulous wet...


Have the worlds best placed Tattoo...


And I'd marry you for your mother...


You wouldn't even have to buy me dinner.



But am I ever so lucky to attract anything like the eye candy above? No. For the life of me I can't figure out why the men who hit on me look like this...



Or this..


I won't go into details but I'm starting to think it's some sick cosmic joke at my expense.

I am so damn punk

I am 77% Punk Rock.

I am PUNK AS FUCK! The model punk. I care not for anything. I kick ass, but probably smell really bad.

Take the
Punk Rock Test
@ FualiDotCom

Punk like GG Allin no less.

Speaking of which, you may have noticed the new background Jello Biafra v.1.0 which still needs major improving and will probably change before long. If you don't know who Jello is, you're not punk at all.

And the beat goes on...

Making a new post because I got tired of scrolling down and hey, it's my blog and I'll do what I want to.

Terry said...
I think you can't figure out what guys want because all guys are different. Since they are all unique and different themselves then there's no way they'd all want the exact same type of girl. Same way with girls.

Terry- Yes, I know everyone is different, that's a given. And I know I can't figure out the core of every man on earth and especially not in a blog post, I promise i'm not that stupid. I was hoping the lack of politically correct reprisals would afford me the benefit of insight a woman isn't likely to get in person.

What is the ulitmate ideal in their deepest darkest little heart of hearts and what makes them say to themselves. "This is a keeper". What i'm looking for is brutal honesty. The truth in the most basic sense without the sugar coated b.s. It doesn't all have to be the same, but it's easy to sum up.

Example:
ALL STRAIGHT WOMEN LOOKING FOR LOVE WANT. A good looking, romantic, caring, devoted, hard working, loyal, strong but sensitive man who treats you like you're a princess for the rest of your life. Bonus if he's great with kids. SCORE if he has a decent penis and knows what to do with it.

I feel confident in making that statement not as a generalization but a fact.
If all that weren't true, THE NOTEBOOK wouldn't be such a popular film. Although, I admit to gagging at it a couple of times, I'm just not much of a chick flick person.

I can also sum up how a man can make MOST women basically happy in 1 word. Security. No, not just financial security, although that is important. But emotional security, physical security, romantic security. If, through a mans actions, a woman is secure in the knowledge that her s.o. loves her, is not going to cheat on her and makes her feel like she is the important person in his life, she is going to be happy being with him. Minus the few psycho bitches who are just never happy no matter what. But that's to do with them, not men.
That is at it's most basic in the interest of saving time, but I am also pretty confident in that generalization. I even have a few male converts with improved relationships to back it up. I'd write a book if it weren't just so damn simple. As it stands I could only put out a flyer.

Likewise I already know men's wants in the most basic of terms. All any girl has to do is look at a personals ad and read between the lines. For instance..
"I am looking for a woman who's independant"
Read; Not a gold digger
"Physically fit and enjoys the outdoors"
Read; Not a fatty
"Takes care of herself"
Read; Not a fatty and likes to dress "hawt"
"Enjoys similar hobbies and interests"
Read; Won't bitch while i'm watching football or going fishing.
"While still having interests of her own"
Read; Won't smother the living hell out of me.

Simple.

What I would like is to hear more specifics. Like, even though they say they want independant and self confident women, why do they almost universally fall for the needy "Oh you're so big and strong could you help poor little me?" *eyelash bat, hair flip*. I don't care how smart they are they always do. I've tested it and there hasn't been a single one to refuse yet. Even the assholes get all giddy and starry eyed. Even my guy friends who KNEW my shit. Now I know the basic answer to this too, but I would like to know what's going on in their heads during those situations.

Why is it Carmen Electra is still a star even though she's been screwed by Dennis Rodman? I know she's attractive but in my book that girl should be an old maid never to experience a man again. Instead she married what I personally consider to be the ever elusive "gods gift to women". So I wonder if there is something about looking like you've been ridden by most of the celebrity trash in hollywood that somehow makes her more appealing? Or is it just, if your hot enough it doesn't matter what or who you've done.

What is the reason behind stereotypes. Like, the strong willed survivalist stripper with a kind heart. (Independance day and others). Yes the stripper thing is obvious, but why does she need to be strong and kind?

Fill in the blanks, "My girlfriend/wife rocks my socks and is the coolest girl in the world because ....."Insert answer here"....She makes me especially happy because she ..."Insert answers here".

All this interests me. It's all in fun for me. It's enjoyable to have an honest conversation about it, to be able to complain and spout off a little and hopefully both sides get to learn a little something new. There was a reason I majored in Anthropology.

Besides Kris started it. ;)

To Nice Guys who Finish Last, From Nitpicky Confusing Bitches

The other day Kris left me this note..."You might dig nice guys, but they still finish last. How many have you dumped vs. how many have dumped you? I am firmly convinced of this. If you REALLY like nice guys, you are the exception. Most women like to think that, but really don't. Generally, the guys that are the most successful with relationships are ugly assholes with large penii."

Kris, I thought of this as a perfect opportunity. Hopefully you'll be one to give me some feedback. Good or bad it's all helpful. (Oh yeah, thank you for linking me.)

First, i'll grant you that yes the last mistake did just HAPPEN to be a munter with ginormous appendage. Go ahead, chuckle in your righteousness. BUT he had no idea what to do with it and i'm not saying that just because im being spiteful, he really didn't know. I liked that about him though because I figured he was probably telling the truth when he said he'd only been with 2 women ever. I liked that his day job was as a carpenter, he worked really hard. And he was very sweet to me, at first. I truly thought he was a nice guy. I thought the fact that he wasn't very attractive was a good thing and made him less likely to cheat. But in that respect I guess most people are the same, and there are no guarantees. In the beginning he had told me the whole nice guys finished last thing, i'm a nice guy and blah blah. Yeah he was so nice that he had himself posted all over date sites and for all the twig he was swinging he didn't have the berries to tell me he wanted to break up.

And I know no one will believe this, but the musician thing had nothing to do with it, I swear it was the carpentry. I am a carpenter groupie. Almost every guy i've ever dated played something, it's common, but I melt over a man who can fix things! I even have a little crush on Johnny because of it. I would easily pass over Chris Cornell, Dave Navarro and all of Blink 182 to go out with Ty Pennington...ok well maybe not Dave Navarro but he's married so the point is moot.
I'm also pretty sure that any guy who practices drumming for years at a time is going to have a big one. I'm convinced something about all that double base flops it around and stretches things out. So there you all have the secret, run out and buy 14 piece set of pearl and commence the enlargement.

YES I have broken up with many men. I'll have you know that I have rarely broken up with a guy without a very good reason...Including but not limited to, drug addiction, alcoholism, cheating, violence, prison sentences and at my very worst, just because the relationship was going nowhere after 5 years. And in many cases I did not give up easily. I'll also have you know, that every one of these claimed "nice guy" status. I will cop to one or two mistakes on my part with genuinely nice men, those situations having to do with my own insecurity.

Point is, almost every guy claims to be the ultimate in nice guys and every one of those chants the "ngfl" mantra. These same guys are the ones who have done everything from stalk me to hold a gun to my head. I've watched my dearest male friends whine to me about this and then go out an cheat on their new girlfriends.

Men are very tricky, you don't wear signs. You usually don't tell us when you know you're a jerk (although there has been the occasional exception, thank you!) and you do not always dress appropriately jerky. I know I go for the dark tattooe'd type but most of my not nice guys didn't look like your typical "bad boy". Strangely, my most healthy relationships were with men who had full sleeve tattoos and labret piercings.

So I propose a trade, I'll tell you why not just nice guys but any guy may be finishing last. In return please give me pointers. Tell me how to weed out the nice guy from the butt licking jackass in a few short minutes. Point me in the direction of nice guy-con, I'll buy tickets for all 3 days. I'm serious, help. Because I don't want to waste my time anymore and it's obvious I'm not going to get the truth from whatever current shit shank i'm dating.

All that being said, here goes.

Women are equally guilty for causing confusion to all guys by lying when using the, "you're just too nice" line to escape them. There are some women who genuinely mean that line when they say it, but not many. Forgive us, we don't like hurting your feelings. And forgive us in those instances where you are TRULY nice guys, but like every man, women have some standards too. Anyway, I'm happy to help with the truth and explain the real reason you're getting dumped/turned down and possibly hearing that line over and over. Ten typical examples are as follows:

1. You're the guy who doesn't own a spine and tends to agree to everything your girlfriend says. Just so you know, we do figure this out pretty quickly. Not only is it annoying to have a man without his own opinions, we wonder how long it will be until you get fed up with hiding what you really want and spontaneously combust. It's just not healthy all around.

2. The guy who is so nice we feel WE have to protect YOU from the heckling jock douchebag at the local bar.
I'm speaking for myself here, but I like a man who can protect me if need be. I know it's the most basal, cro-mag instinct I could have and I should probably get over it, but I'm not gonna. I have on occasion set it aside though.
By the way, some women assume that "I'm a pacifist" is secret code for "I'm a chicken shit."

3. You're a momma's boy.
No woman should have to compete with your mother, on any level. If you haven't set that limitation with mom, you deserve to live with her. Forever.

4. Bad: You are the depressive artsy dark writer of shoddy poetry.
Worse: You are the depressive artsy dark writer of shoddy poetry you devote to latest/current girl, every single day.
Horrible: You are the depressive artsy dark writer of shoddy poetry devoted to latest/current girl and you burst into tears while reading it to her, Every. Single. Day.
(minus a billion points if you have bookloads of tear smeared shoddy poetry devoted to each and every girl you've ever dated.)

5. Also bad, The quietly arrogant intellectual genius crap. It only works with the ladies if you're unbelievably hot and sometimes, not even then. Eventually it gets old no matter how hot you are. NOTE: We do not consider this a nice guy. The nice guy thing excludes arrogance born through insecurity.

6. You're the earthy stinky hippy guy. Earthy hippy, ok, stinky no, dreadlocks no, covering it all up with patchouli, NO and if your head stinks, don't even think we're risking the trip to happyland.

7. Your cock is too damn small. Most women can deal just fine with average and a little below, but the whole "It's not the size" thing? It's a lie, ok.
If girls happen to read this i'm sure they will protest loudly to the contrary because women will do anything to gain the attention and approval of men, any men. Even men they don't plan to sleep with (what can I say we're f*d up ok?)
But I'm here to tell you, It matters. I'm being honest, remember? So if you have 4" or below start reading books on more prone positions, learn good tongue action or get on that drumming thing ASAP.

8. You're just kinda creepy.

9. You have 5 children by different women, you're paying out every dime you have to said women, you're a janitor and you've done all this damage by age 23.

10. And Last, we plain and simply don't find you very attractive and don't want to hurt your feelings by saying so.
I am forever astonished at the amount of nasty men who have the balls to say things like, "Why not? I'm a good looking guy".
Deep down you know who you are. Hairy chests are ok, hairy backs ARE NOT...there are salons, go get that shit waxed. Ditto for the unibrow. Get your teeth capped, go to the gym, buy pants that fit. Do what you have to do to improve your appearance and not give off the future fat lazy guy on the couch doing the ol' pinch n' roll, impression. If you already are the fat lazy guy on the couch doing the ol' pinch n' roll, cut it the f*ck out.
Don't get all uppity and defensive and give me the "accept me as I am" b.s. because i've never read a personals ad that read "Single Male seeks, fat slovenly girl with no teeth."
And if you're one of these same nasty lazy men who has the nerve to dog unattractive women or shout some derogatory comment about the size of someones ass or areola's, you need to be bitch-slapped. And yes bitch-slapped to the degree that it becomes a two word hyphenate.

Ok...

Some women add to these with rules like not too short, not too bald, not too poor etc. There are addendums to these rules, for instance, rule #8 includes 55 year old men trying to get with 20 year old women. Men who are just too socially inept to do anything but stare at your boobs while they talk, etc. You could all be genuinely nice but ya know, ew. Most women however make many exceptions provided you're charming, funny and not a jerk. Still others will accept anything provided your bank roll is fat enough.

Personally, I think I'm pretty open minded. I am ok with somewhat overweight, balding, shorter, poorer and childed. And if in fact you do happen to be a fairly emotionally stable, clean, hard working, loyal, romantic, thoughtful, non-cheating, kind hearted and a truly NICE GUY then pat yourself on the back and please email me.

Oh and if it makes you feel any better, girth is more important than length anyway.

Never Date Musicians

Ok so I found out my most recent dating mistake had ads all over the internet on every f*ck/date/hot or not site imaginable. Will someone please tell me why men bother to lie? There ARE some women out there that DO prefer to hear the truth. I would much rather hear something like "Why don't we date casually for a while and see what happens?" rather than "I want someone I can be with forever." When either thing is said I take you at your word, the difference is with the former I know exactly where I stand.
I don't know how other women are but I am not someone who refuses to let her s.o. go out independantly and do their own thing. I've never said to anyone, You're not allowed to see your friends, hang out at the club, or even, see your very good friend who just happens to be your ex. etc. I don't flip out, I don't turn psycho, I rarely even raise my voice. Provided some warning and a phone call if we already had plans, I don't care in the slightest where you want to go or what you want to do. In fact the only thing that makes me angry is an out and out lie. There is no good reason for it, ever. So I just can't for the life of me understand what someone has to gain from lying to me in the first place? And moreover why perpetuate the lie for months and waste more of my time?
And if you want to cut things off then just say so. Something as simple as "I'm sorry but you're not the person for me." is very straight forward and totally understandable. What is with the semi-disappearing/re-appearing to totally off the map b.s.? There is nothing more cowardly. I always tell someone when I don't want to be with them anymore. That has meant taking anything from being told I was a bitch for an hour to being stalked for years at a time. I gladly accept any consequence so that I don't lead someone on because it's just the wrong thing to do. Seriously, have some effin guts or balls as the case may be.

I am really starting to think those over done, gold digging, bitchy women have their heads on straight.

Hmm

This is interesting and a little disturbing...

The Dead Letter Office

That's all there is

I'm finally going to houston this weekend to get the rest of my things from the ex's house.

I think it's been a year almost to the day since we broke up and after all this time at least once during every day it hits me hard and washes over me like a cold bucket of water. Seven years I had this person in my life and we'll never speak to each other again. For at least four of those years he was my whole world. I'm sure that was my mistake because when we separated I looked around and realized I had nothing else.
I ran home to mom and home wasn't even really home anymore since it was here and not cal. I came to this town where I had no friends and I got a job and I found a house to rent and as soon as I had started to have days that I didn't want to die, he called wanting me back. He called every day for 8 months. He called and begged and cried. In all that time I was too afraid to go back and when he stopped calling all that pain hit me all over again. Now he won't speak to me at all.
That is the hardest part, this person who was one of my closest friends years before we were ever romantically involved, will not speak to me. And the last time we did speak he was someone I didn't know at all.
Months ago I had a uhaul truck down there for all my things and he insisted I didn't need to take it all at once, he cried for me to leave some things there, just in case. I shouldn't have listened. It would have been far less painful for ME. I don't think he'll even be there this weekend. As irritated as I am for the lack of help, i'm somewhat relieved.
Never in my life did I think it would take this long to breathe again. In the past i've walked away from relationships, even 3 and 4 year long ones, with some sadness sure, but nothing a few beers and a couple of weeks with my friends couldn't cure. This is the one i'll never get over, but I knew that going in.

I miss the dog.

If you've ever hated your job...

Chuck E' Cheese. Did I ever mention I was the Rat? Yeah when I was 19, I was the rat.

No one knows what a job in the 7th circle of Hell truly is until they've been beat down and kicked by 20 some odd birthday bashing, sugar high, grade schoolers, whilst sweating in a giant fiberglass rat costume that has every sweltering, claustrophobic intake of breath reek with the gritty muck of a thousand overworked, zit faced teenagers. I'm talking about air you can taste.

You are quite litterally looking through the mouth of madness since your small window to the outside world is through the covered hole in the rat's deranged grin.
And through your tiny light of hope, skewed by ill aligned black screening, you're just lucky enough to gain one second to brace yourself for the size 4 shoe coming at your giant cartoon nose. In anticipation of the hard plastic rebounding against your face, your senses, already engulfed near to dementia by the cacophony of screaming, bleeping games and the horrible high pitched recycled sing along songs played by bizarre ghetto versions of puppet animatronics,... the last thing that comes with clarity to you're suffering ears is the ringing war cry of satans spawn spewing a venemous, "YOU'RE NOT REAL!!! RAAWWRR!!!"

*Shudder*

I still have post traumatic stress, like a vietnam vet in a flashback I drop, duck and cover every time I hear the piercing screams of playing children.

So now when I really hate a job I try to keep in mind, THAT job because nothing could ever be as horrible and terrifying as THAT job. In fact I think I should have had my social security handed to me and been allowed to retire at the ripe age of 20 for having EVER done THAT job for any length of time.

I actually feel sick thinking about it.

I should go play a sport RIGHT NOW

Hooray for this, Kinda! OSCAR winning director Peter Jackson says it will be at least three years before he shoots The Lord of the Rings prequel, The Hobbit.

Oh dear Peter I adored you for Dead Alive/Braindead but LOTR made you the fat, furry totem of my idolatry. Bless your chubby little heart.
I can feel my fellow nerds heave a collective sigh of anticipation and relief with me. Far off but it WILL happen it WILL!
We will pray at once to the Ainur and bid them bless your quest with ascending Ainulindale that will rise in creation of another beautiful, timeless film. The children of Iluvatar bow to you and nerd snort geek dork feeb tool barf snark.

Valar hail Peter and all kiwi's. May your ways be green and golden.


It's a good thing im kinda cute.
Namaarie

Jipped

Last night I had a dream with both David Bowie AND Ricardo Montalban. Bowie was in his ziggy, glam phase and everything. I still slept bad. You'd think between those two I could have one small wish granted. A good nights sleep with non disturbing dreams.
Hell, between those two, I should have been on an island paradise with gorgeous men in loincloths bearing drinks,... Henson puppets all around dancing and singing for my entertainment.
But noooooo I dreamt something more akin to SAW.

1 hour to LOST, that will make me feel better. =P Don't give me attitude you all have your vices too.

Blah

I'm depressed today. In fact i've sunk so low that I actually ate food from the gas station kitchen. When I went to get smokes I got a corn dog and some cajun fried tater wedges. The wedges were brilliant and well worth the stomache ache i'll likely have later, the corn dog...not so much. I figured it wouldn't be actual beef but I think I may have ate something human....
Note to self for the future: wedgies good, human corn dogs bad.

I do a lot of things in the south that I would have never considered when I lived in CA.

Ugh why do I let people hurt me so easily?

No More Ice Cream

I've been neglecting the blog. Had a lot going on this week though. My mom was selling her store. For a while she had an ice cream concession which was really cute because it was shaped like a giant ice cream cone. :) Unfortunately the clique-y townsfolk around here really hate any new business starting in town because they are narrow minded, frightened little pricks. And even though there was only one other ice cream store, no where near where my mothers was, they were still giving her a hard time. It took many calls with ridiculous requests from the various government powers that be, going to city council meetings etc. Every one here knows someone who can make things more difficult if they want.
The mayor of the town, who DOES want new business here, had to make all of last summer an "event" so she could put it on the river and stay there. But once summer was up she was left with the same problem....anyway very long story, lots of details I wont go into.
The result was, she finally got fed up and decided to just sell it. All this week has been devoted to re-painting and thoroughly cleaning everything for a buyer who came in yesterday morning. I feel a little sad, I know she's a little sad. But at least she got all her money back on it.

I'm going to miss going to get free ice cream this summer. :(

A couple of weeks back another lady had come into town to check out renting a building for a pet store. She went into the only pet store in town to talk to the owner about his business. He blatantly told her that if she tried to start another store in town he would do anything in his power to stop her.

That's the way of things here. Nothing but a bunch of effin dream killers who can't see past their own bible thumping, inbred b.s. I can't wait to leave.

Mental Cartwheels

Yeah i've been letting this go lately, mostly cause I couldn't be bothered this week. Also because my rockin friend mailed me photoshop and I've been so busy getting re-aquainted with my beloved program that I haven't wanted to do much else. Said friend will have a shrine built in his honor which will forever be be knelt at and given offerings of sage, milk and double chocolate donuts.

Meanwhile, I found something for all you man-folk to keep busy. Yes it's a quiz but it's such a man quiz that there's only one question! They got your collective numbah.

Click on this I command you; Your Bedtime Body Language Click it! Click I say!

Now...go, fetch me wine and grapes and make sure you've changed into a loin cloth before you come back.

Oops, Again

This weeks Monday man, (yeah yeah .. shut up about it), is bloggers very own STEVEN.

What, wait he's not a celebrity!? Yeah, but he very well could be one day so i'm going to get the jump on things so when he is rich and famous he'll fly me in his private jet to ...well wherever the rich and famous vacation these days.

Steven is pursuing the acting thing but he has a degree in Graphic Design so the whole "Something to fall back on" plan is already in place. He's not your typical guy in that his football watching is limited, his ultimate women is NOT an S.I. Swimsuit Model and he actually LISTENS when you talk.

Just those three things alone put him near the top of the manlist. But wait, he puts on a Star Wars costume and goes to childrens hospital to cheer up sick kids.

Oh did I mention he's kinda hot? He's got that whole 70's laid back,... 'hello my long hair is gorgeous don't you wish yours was as soft as mine..' thing going. He's 6'4" with an arm reach that I imagine could give some very comfortable and satisfying hugs. heh

Because he's not afraid to be himself and be HONEST! (an honest man, imagine that!) Because he can always be counted upon to be there when you need a friend, because the man can build damn near anything out of newspaper an duct tape and finally because he's going to be famous one day...




*hugs*
Bet ya thought it was gonna be BAM huh? HUH!?

Just me baby, Just me

Ok there is just a teeny tiny bit of what some very sensitive types might consider inap..oh who cares about being diplomatic, if you whine a lot, skip on to the next blog.


True's Questions;


1) Who is the one person in your life that you have loved the most?
Well there is a very dear friend of mine that I've known since we were 13 and 14 respectively. We've gone through a lot together over the years. He's still back home in CA. but we chat regularly. Although we're currently irritated with each other, but that's nothing new. It's just one of those things, no matter what happens he always finds me and we've managed to stay friends and stay in touch for nearly 20 years.

2) What is your favorite thing to do in bed with your lover?
Eat ice cream. Heh..um wow it's hard to pick just one thing. There is a position, I believe it's been dubbed "two towers" although I really prefer just throwing one tower up there... but really almost everything short of sleeping in the wet spot. I do like the eating of the ice cream though, peanut butter.

3) What is the one thing you wish you could do and not get caught at?
Again, just one? Too hard...Rig the lotto so I win it! Molest hot male celebrities...oh this list could go on forever.

4) If you could go anywhere in the world and not have to pay to get there, where would you go and who would you bring?
First pick would be Greece and I guess i'd take my special someone. Begin:Geek; A close second would be hiking through New Zealand and going to all the LOTR film locations with Steven. End:Geek;



Jarle's Questions;

1. Which single episode/experience has, as you see it, made the biggest impact on your life?
Probably meeting the aforementioned friend back home in CA.when we were kids. We helped each other to get through both our equally difficult childhoods. I don't think I would have survived to an adult without him and I keep going just knowing he's out there. Oh, and the first "Indiana Jones".

2. If you got to know that you only had 24 hrs left to live, how would you spend that time?
I would love to get out to the coast in Oregon. If not I'd find the nearest pretty beach, sit in the sand and stare at the ocean until the end.

3. What is impossible for you to compromise on?
Chocolate. No I don't know? I think im pretty easy going in most respects. I suppose giving up things I love. Once again, childhood friend, wouldn't give him up for anything and broke up with more than one boyfriend over it. I suppose I won't compromise my beliefs.

4. What is the scariest thing concerning dying/death in your opinion?
Ya know, i'm not at all afraid of dying. Maybe the way of the death is the scary part? I'd hate to burn alive or be on the business end of the food chain. I think the only really scary part about it, is if I'll do it alone. But the into the great beyond part...Not worried at all.


MPH'es? Questions;

1) In a battle between human made robots and man made robots who would win?
Pfft that's easy, human made robots of course. Human made would be made by both WOMYN and men SO the WOMYN would be there to correct any problems and also include a special x37400 ultra anger PMS microchip. Man made robots are made by men only and every WOMYN knows men are inferior....

2) If you could not drink alcohol would you consider a sherry enima?
No. I hardly drink as it is, maybe three times a year and just no. That's pathetic, seriously.

3) Do you believe animals have a sixth sense?
Like, do they see dead people? I don't know, my animals used to go nuts before an earthquake..does that count?

4) Hot Dogs?
So long as there are no suspicious crunchy things.

Hail to the King Baby

On Saturday I managed to get to the Mardi Gras parade we have in our little town here. For those not in the know, the really quick version is that Mardi Gras is a festival based on Lupercalia and Carnival. When they took over, the Roman church decided to incorporate the pagan holiday rather than try to abolish it. Then the French ripped off the Italians and eventually brought it to New Orleans. *grin*
What it amounts to is a great big party to squeeze in as much drinking, gluttony and debauchery as possible before the fasting and abstinence of the 40 some odd days of Lent.

I wonder what Catholics on Atkins do during Lent? *Shrug* Anywho...

Got a couple of shots of the parade floats, courtesy of our very own Krewe Of Dionysos...





I didn't jump out to catch anything but the kids seemed to have a great time collecting the beads, doubloons and candy that flew out and nearly brained them. I didn't do any drinking either as I plan to get thoroughlysoused next weekend when the sinning really counts.

Just for anyone curious, Valentines day has it's origins based in Lupercalia as well...I tell ya, yous guys would have nothing fun to do without us Italians.


Also over the weekend, well I guess it's obvious i've been working on blog layout v.2.o Bikkity BAM Margera.

Oh yeah, extra points if you can tell me what movie the title came from. That should keep you all busy for a while. =P

You Get Four

Ok this comes from True's blog, so ima give it a shot. =P

It is a MUST that you do this!
Ask me four questions. Any four, no matter how personal, private or random.

I will answer them honestly. I have to answer them all.

In turn, you post this message in your own journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you.

So ask away.

P.S. I just had to add this, Shamus O'Drunkahan, I read that name and it gave me a chuckle and the more I looked at it the funnier it got until I was in a state of mad giggling. I have no idea why, it just struck me funny. So Shamus, thanks for thinking up that name and bringing it to my blog, I really needed the laugh.

Random Stuff

I am getting mucho dinero back from the IRS. Whoo hooo. I am sending out my forms Monday, hopefully that will be early enough to get the money quickly. I could really use it since I STILL have stuff to get in Houston and that's going to require at least 300$ for the Uhaul. The ex is not making things easy. Blah. But I will still have plenty left over for the move and that is rocking my socks right now.

Oh to the Anonymous poster...No complaints here, it's everyone's business because it's a public forum. I just wish the person it was directed at could admit that some "jokes" go too far. But no biggy.

I go to do the Habitat thing this week. I'm pretty excited about that right now too. There is nothing better than doing work that has actual results you can look at. I think that's why i've always hated office jobs. Nothing but pile upon pile of paperwork that never seems to be done. It always felt very pointless and frustrating. Though a lot of times Carpenters have told me they wished for office jobs because their work is so physically demanding. I guess no matter what the grass is always greener on the other side.

Oh and i'm inspired by Jarle's example so I think i'm going to go on the workout program again. I want to look as good as Gwen Stefani when i'm her age after all. Heh. I've always found diets pretty easy though. Only 2 rules really, move around a lot and don't eat anything that actually tastes good. Follow those two things and you've practically lost 20lbs already. I also weighed in at 136 yesterday *Gasp*. It's only around 62kgs though, that sounds so much better! No wonder everyone else uses the metric system. But anyway, i'm going to put down this Famous Amos choco chip cookie and boil some brown rice and vegetables. yea.

Aloha Mister Hand!

There are very few things that I'm girly about but the major example is shoes. I collect shoes like Carrie Bradshaw only I don't have strappy sandals and high heeled boots, but tons and tons of sneakers most of which are Vans.

Vans were started in the mid 60's in Southern California (where I grew up!). By the mid 70's they started developing the shoes specifically for skateboarders. They quickly became popular in So Cal with surfers and skaters, but I don't think they were famous until Sean Penn cracked himself over the head with a pair of checkered slip on's
in Fast Times At Ridgemont High. Suddenly they were everywhere.




These photos are a little blurred but you can see Jeff Spicoli's classic checkered slip on in the old school "Off the Wall" box. Not only good for holding shoes but excellent for saving all those notes passed in class and left in your locker.

I got my very first pair of blue slip on Vans in the 3rd grade. They were so easy to take on and off ..no shoelace tying when you got to run out the door to play with friends, and they didn't cause blisters or hurt feet in any way. That was something I loved since my mom was always putting me in Patent Leather mary janes before that, Ouch! Vans quickly became the only shoes I would wear in grade school. And have been my favorites every since.

My oldest pair look like this,



I got them when I was 16 or so. The soles are a little bit worn down but other than that they're still pretty spiffy. Could be a testiment to the durability or maybe there's truth to the saying that nobody walks in L.A.

Until Jarle asked, I thought they had become pretty international. When I was in high school a friend of mine had a french foreign exchange student come to stay and he brought 100$ with him just to buy Vans. Apparently in france they were 90$ a pair and when we took him to the old Vans Outlet in Anaheim he found them at 10$ so he bought 9 pairs. Some for himself an the rest to sell back home. Sound logic I thought. =P But I guess they haven't gone everywhere.

Anyhow there are about 300 different styles and colors now if someone feels like checking them out or picking some up the best place to go is here. VANS


There you have it Jarle, far more than you ever wanted to know! Heh =P

Fuck Off Lance

I would leave it at that but you'd likely get all huffy and bluster about how simple minded profanity insults are.

Not that it matters, but I don't care to share my every personal thought with strangers. Since you can't be bothered to so much as respond when IM'd, I can't figure out why this bothers you enough to take the time to leave sarcastic comments. Besides, no matter what I write lately it seems to be offending your oh so effulgent psyche.

I'm sorry my blog is so vapid as opposed to the life altering nuggets you let bounce from your illustrious keyboard. Ipods and Macs are wonderful gadgets im sure, but how much do you really need to talk about them? You might want to try writing something interesting yourself before you start throwing insults at me. Hell you might want to write something ABOUT yourself once in a while instead of hiding behind the b.s.. The drivel you vomit can be read any day on yahoo news and i'm tired of trying to figure out something nice to say just to leave a note.

If I thought it made a shit pebble worth of difference to the world i'd write something more profound but it's a WEBLOG. So do please attempt to extricate the behemothic cudgel from your contemptuous, hoity toity ass and simmer down. Is that engrossing enough for you? You pompous prick.

It's one thing to express an opinion but lately you've just been rude, hurtful and completely mean. If you don't like it don't read it, simple as that. Your snotty evaluations aren't necessary.

Monday Man Oops

Yeah yeah it's a day late but it's worth the wait. This weeks eye candy is Viggo Mortensen.

Because... he's fricken beautiful people what more do you need!?

But aside from the fact that you want him even when he's dirty, he is also a successful poet, a painter and devoted father. Viggo at first refused the role of Aragorn because he didn't want to be away from his son so long but the boy was a huge fan of LOTR and convinced him to do the part. Much like Aragorn he doesn't even come close to looking his true age. I'll just throw the birth year out as 58'.
He wouldn't have even become an actor if he hadn't been a romantic, having followed his girlfriend back to NY from Denmark because he was madly in love! Say it with me now..AAAAWWWWW!

Because he speaks poetry in that soft soft voice of his and because any man named Viggo just has to be good. Two squeezies up! Aye me, without further ado...



I have to say finding the right picture of this man was difficult since how do you choose the perfect thing in a sea of perfect things? I had to shrink the picture because if it's too large it feels like he's staring at you and you become transfixed and you're paralyzed in your chair for an hour until you're a broken down shell made of nothing but tears and longing and and ....Well I just didn't want anyone else to suffer my fate. *sigh*

'Cos there's beauty in the breakdown

Have you ever felt overwhelming love for an imperfect person for reasons no one else could understand?
Have you ever looked at that someone with all of their imperfections until all of those imperfections combined to make something so unbelievably beautiful you couldn't look at it without getting that swelling feeling in your throat and your eyes tearing and your heart breaking over and over again?


Not quite a review but the best I could do in my current frame of mind.

Crikey!

Yeah it's been ages since I "blogged". I just haven't had too much to say and i've been kind of irritated with the whole computer jinx thing I seem to have going. Oh and i've seriously cut back my smoking which has me even more irritated. So I just haven't been my usually chipper self all around.
Luckily there is Peanut Butter Ice Cream and a good friend to ease the aches and pains of every day life. I don't thank the good friend nearly enough.
Anywhooooooo I have some tough decisions ahead of me and some major life changes. At the moment all I know for sure is that i'm pretty tired of living much of my life on this little box here. The only thing I have lined up in the immediate future is doing some tile work for habitat for humanity. Which is nice because i've been trying real hard (doesn't that seem odd?) to clock more volunteer time with them for ages. It's not only helping a worthy cause but I get good carpentry and building experience. Some day i'm going to be one of those cute carpenter chicks on Trading Spaces or something. Maybe i'll get to hug Ty.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking of trying out for a GoGo Dancer, I don't think I have the rack for Burlesque.

Also I'm starting a new thing in my bloggy, The Monday Man or Man of the Week. Because I like them all too much to ever pick just one.

SO! To get things started this weeks Monday Man is funny, gorgeous, sexy, can fix things around the house, helps his fellow man and above all else is incredibly kind hearted. You can't get much closer to perfect than that. I give two 'hand squeezies up' to Ty Pennington.



Ty is originally from Atlanta, has an undergraduate degree in Graphic Design, models, has his own book, two t.v. shows and really cool hair. And lets never forget, he can FIX things..Hooray for real men with cute belly buttons.

My Friend Murphy

My computer is broken. It's off to the land of NerdyFixit for repairs and I likely won't have it back for a long time. They tell you a week but we all know it's more like 6. Anyway, i'm currently having to use a library computer so suffice it to say this will be the last entry for a while. Gah, I hope 05' gets better FAST. Hope everyone else's year is better so far.