There's always a plus side

I feel horrid. My throat feels roughly as if I've attempted to swallow half a dozen razor blades. If I speak it's at a whisper. I've downed about 4 lbs. of cough drops, giving me heartburn and making my stomach sick to boot. When I manage to swallow, I’m pretty sure I’m drinking my own blood.
There is no amount of honey imbued lemon tea or disgusting hot salty water that brings me relief. I've woken at 3 am for the last 3 nights in order to try to swallow 4 more aspirin and savor yet another cough drop, hoping as I open the wrapper, that I don't choke on it when I finally do fall back in exhaustion. This is the worst kind of sick I’ve ever been and I’ve never had a sore throat for longer than 6 hours and certainly not one that a couple of aspirin didn't fade into a memory. I am starting to think I inhaled some sort of chemical that burned or maybe, too many of "J's" night time farts. I would slit my own throat, if it didn't already feel like I had.

I am in misery.

On the plus side, my nose isn't running. I just hate that.

So Long Astoria!

Damn the amount of crap one has to go through to use the "new" blogger. 3 Emails 2 pages and one reset password later I finally gained access. I'll probably forget the password by tomorrow though and have to do it all again.
In other news, "J" surprised me with a trip for valentines day. We had a great weekend on the coast. A beautiful view from our little apartment on the beach AND got to go up to Astoria! Whoo Hoo Astoria!
I got to see the Goonies house live and in person. It was so cool to finally see those locations. Astoria has to be the most beautiful town in Oregon.
This is what the house looks like now. It's much the same on the outside except the porch has been bumped out a bit and the trim is painted a dark purple. Also the old rickety fence and messy hill has been replaced and there's no more rube goldberg contraptions in the yard (something I think the new owner should have kept) still it was so much fun to be there.

No I did not do the truffle shuffle. Yes I wanted to.

I got pics of the jail the houses, and the flavel house. I also got a pick of "J" at the bowling alley looking out the window that chunk smashes his pizza and drink on.




Then I cam home to a nearly destroyed house as bf's brother is an effin alcoholic slob.

Been a loooonggg time

I've got an internet connection again. Rather, I got a rangebooster for my laptop so i'm kind of stealing the connection but whatever, tomato/tomawto. Even so i've been under a pretty heavy work load at school so I haven't had much time for internetty type stuff. The irony, a major in programming and I don't have time to be on the comp.
I'm supposed to be studying for a test in calculus right now but i'm desperately trying to find reasons to procrastinate, hence another entry in my long neglected blog though I haven't got too much to say.
I found out recently that a good friend of mine from back in Cal passed away a little over a year ago. I went down and visited his grave and cried for a while. Saw the grandparents and the aunts and uncles and couldn't wait to come back home. If my family wasn't in OC I don't think i'd ever go back there again.
I have a few new pictures which I haven't had time to develop yet, from the halloween rave thingy I went to that my current boys cousin puts on every year, I dressed up as one of the living dead. I looked pretty icky. I'll get around to doing that one of these days and maybe i'll post them.
As I read over this it sounds pretty down, but i'm really tired and I'd rather be playing any number of video games than doing even one more math problem. After this one I have to take discrete math. What the hell is discrete math? I've never heard of it and I maintain that I was right all along in high school, I'LL NEVER USE THIS STUFF!
And I never have, except for other math classes. Damnit.
Anyway, if anyone wants to get a hold of me I do have a myspace account though I don't blog it much either, in fact whatever I write in one I usually copy to the other. But I mostly use it to keep in touch with the old gang in OC.

Click Here

RIK: If you come by again, catch me on there cause I don't use that other email anymore either. I've let everything go to hell!

If I knew you were dead

I'm sitting in school where i'm supposed to be paying attention, but i'm not. I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Because, I just had to check out the ex's myspace even though whenever I do, it makes me physically sick.
It's like, I need to check to SEE if i'll still get sick and this time, there was a pic of him on there with his new gf, it is taking all I have right now to keep down the bile.

But for the life of me I can't understand why the hell I care? It has been nearly 3 years now! If I thought about an ex more than 3 MONTHS after a breakup before i'd think there was something really wrong.

Frankly i'm known for my male-like indifference even whilst still in the relationship. This is probably what broke us up in the first place, don't really know and it's unimportant. The point is, 3 years and I still feel sick.

It's not as if I haven't moved on. I changed states, twice. Found a new boyfriend, twice, enrolled in school etc. And it's not as if I look at my ex's stuff every day or even every week. It's just every so often, 3 to 6 months, I just have to see. I need to know if he's alive, if he's doing well or poor, and if I still feel the urge to puke.

I don't actually wish him harm, but sometimes I wish I could pretend he wasn't out there somewhere.

You Just Don't F***K with Astronauts Man!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Can I Borrow your eyeliner?

I was attempting to stop procrastinating on my homework when behind me I heard Jay Leno on the tube announcing the nights band was "30 Seconds to Mars" fronted by Jared Leto. I thought, 'Oh god another actor who thinks he's a rock star',,,,

Surprisingly my sarcasm samurai, already spinning and ready to do some systematic slicing were quickly re-sheathed. The band was not bad at all.

Furthermore, I had never found Jared Leto attractive, but there's nothing so come-hither as a lazy chunk of mussy hair falling over the heavily lined eye of a darkly rockin semi androgynous twenty something....

Boys in eyeliner, will I ever grow out of it? 20 years later and no sign of slowing. I may want to get me some botox.

At least I know I'm not alone or HIM wouldn't be as big as they are; lets face it the music isn't all that fab. I'm sure I'd get vicious complaints about that comment if I had any actual readers but I'm convinced that when the teen fandom grows up and gathers a musical repertoire not strictly based on who they'd like to take their virginity, they will come to agree. I'm patient.

A while back I had a similar first reaction to the LICKS fronted by Juliet Lewis. Disdain was almost simultaneous with the mention of her name probably because of my previous disgust for her left over from the 1990's red carpet, corn row debacle. But then I turned absolutely gooey at how effin rockin she really is. I'm not attracted to her in eyeliner, but I'm definitely going to catch the LICKS next time they're in town. She is a better front-person than most of the non-acting singers out there. However I must maintain my insistence that she never wear her hair in corn rows again, I love her as an actress but that was just wrong.

After "30 Seconds to Mars" It seems my violent derision will continue to be unsatisfied having been disappointed more and more often, but at least I'll have plenty of scornful comments saved up and ready for Keanu Reeves, Dogstar or whatever the hell Billy Bob's band is if they ever manage to force themselves on unsuspecting late night viewers.

I still have to do homework.

Immigration

This is officially the best blog post i've ever seen on the subject. A must read for the terminally sarcastic.

Clicky

hope that link works, it's brilliant.

Mrrphfff

You know how sometimes you have those weeks where just everything in life goes completely, dramatically, and inextricably WRONG? The latest in a long list of ridiculously crappy happenings, "crappenings" if you will..
I went to open my car door and the door handle broke off in my hand. Mrrphfff was the sound I made as I stared at it in jaw clenched disbelief.

Now, I will have to roll down my window and reach outside to open my door.
I don't mind being a little on the white trash side, in fact I kinda embrace it I mean, what the hell right? But this is a little embarrassing.

Ima have to hit a 'pick a part' this weekend and get me a new one, shoot.

And now NOW Johnny V's blog isn't working? Why? Why!? I'm starting to feel panicked.

HOT

I moved out of Louisiana to get away from the heat; well and that whole creepy religous nutjob thing but mostly the heat, and now I am suffering yet again in 97 degrees. The scary thing is, it's really not feeling that bad to me. I'm assuming due to the lack of 100% humidity I would have experienced in La. But still, i'm a little cranky about it.
It's been about 8 months since the move and I had assumed that by now I would be in my newly muscled, healthy frame swinging half way up a mountain in one of those rock climbing harnesses sucking down some granola and dried bananna chips.

But who am I kidding?

I'm actually sitting in the cafeteria sucking down a McDonalds happy meal french fry, waiting for my next class to start. At least I'm doing that, the school thing I mean and I'm not doing bad at all. I managed a 4.150 for my gpa last semester. It being the first time I ever gave a rats ass about my gpa, I wasn't even aware it went past 4.0. So yea! for me.
I am trying to get through things as quick as possible so I'm trecking straight through summer semester as well, full loads and then some all the way. Last semester was 16 units, this one is only 12, so it looks like i'll have time to take a crap this month.
I have to say I'm pretty damned tired but the prospect of earning a decent salary by next summer is motivating. I still don't like the whole "boss" thing though, still trying to figure a way out of it.

Speaking of which, I was recently contacted by a great friend of mine from way back in our teen years. Somehow, once he got out of his 3 year prison stint, he managed to become a millionare. I'm really sincerely happy for him but I just have to say, What the fuck?
He's the second ex con I know that is. Meanwhile all the straight edges I knew are out selling tires or working for Home Depot.

Apparently getting an ass raping is the best motivator.

P.S. I've decided i'm going to learn fluent italian just so I can read federico's blog. God that's frustrating.

BEHOLD!

the great ACHILLES! Dun da da dun! He is bold, he is mighty, all bow before his 2048MB of DDR Memory! 128 Dedicated and... well he's just cool.


Yes I have named my computer. No I am not ashamed.

*Yawn*

Almost out of hibernation. Damn it took me a long time to remember my password.

Wish You Were Here

Having a great time in Oregon. The area is beautiful, the weather is perfect and best of all Eugene is a town run entirely by teenagers or adults who act like them. It is literally Neverland. Yes there are pirates, in fact my neighborhood flies it's own pirate flag!
I'm currently writing from the library and getting ready to apply for a job here after which i'm heading out to get the rest of my costume for a rave this weekend. I'll have my home internet hooked up soon. Hope all is well with everyone else.

XOXO
Alex

I'm Off!

I'll be on the road tomorrow morning and should make it to California in 2 days or so. I'll be visiting my grandparents for a few days and then it's up to Oregon! So until then, be well and I hope I see you all when I have internet access again. Probably won't be too long since I have panic attacks and tear at my hair when i'm not able to log on.

xoxo
Alex

P.S. Just a suggestion, If you love kwah tiki yah flicks go rent "KUNG FU HUSTLE" right now! It's the best fooey i've seen in years.

P.S.S. Steven, Good luck with your gig tomorrow. Bite Will on the leg for me. My mother eagerly awaits Awards tickets, so hurry up and make yourself famous.

Boob Villa

Well the lack of posting was due to getting my mothers house in move-in condition and the back house to rental condition so I can get the hell out of this holy rolling steam blowing shit pit and get to Oregon. I go either tomorrow morning or saturday morning. Probably saturday because im pretty tired and need a rest. For the last month or so I've been working 9 to 10 hours a day 6 to 7 days a week. When I wasn't working I was making trips to Lowes or Home Depot. No big deal except they are in shreveport over an hour away.
I am pretty proud of having done all the work myself, for my first time I think I did ok.
This is the cottage out back, it used to be a beauty shop. Just getting to this stage took ripping out carpet and chiseling away what was under that, 50 year old green vinyl tile. It made me grumpy.. You remember the kind they had in the lunch room at elementary school? Yeah that stuff.
Before

After that I laid down wood floors, painted, put up wainscot and trim and put together a couple of the kitchen cabinets. There is more to do but the rest is pretty simple stuff that shouldn't cost her very much and she needs an electrician and plumber in there anyway. 2 things that I wont touch. Electric because i'm e-scared and plumbing because..well, there is a good reason why those guys get paid a lot of money. *shudder*
After



In the main house there was what we called "The Red Room". The previous owner had put down faux wood floors in the form of vinyl sheeting. The walls, I found out later were actually panneled with wallpaper board, you know the kind that goes in old mobile homes. Well you can't take the paper off that so the owner just got a bucket of drywall compound and went to town, making big blobs hoping for a faux venetian plaster finish im guessing. You'll see where I've had to sand down the blobs with a belt sander. The paneling was apparently put up over a textured wall that was too lumpy to take wallpaper. I found THAT after tearing out old built in book cases that they just walled AROUND. If only I had known that fact before I started trying to rip them out. I was literally hanging from the lip off the top and pushing off the wall with both feet trying to get the damned thing to budge. I dangled precariously hoping for the tell tale crack that I knew would send me falling on my ass, it never came. Instead I spent 20 hanging minutes wishing I had me some man muscles and cursing my noodly girly ones. Here is the aftermath...


You see the old green/blue walls in chunks that I had to fill in there with more luanne (sp?) and spackle etc etc.



Anyway it is all better now after 8 coats of Killz.

There was a long list of other stuff I had to do. Put quarter round through-out the house, paint etc. So that's where i've been. I'm pretty thrilled with myself but i've also decided that i'm pretty slow at everything. I'm going to take a few construction courses when I move to OR. There are womens groups there for chicks who like tools, so we'll see how that goes. Maybe it won't be so tiring when im not in louisiana heat. =)

Letting it all hang out

My ex decided to write me after 8 months of not speaking. I was dumb enough to reply and he is ignoring me again. Will someone please explain to me why? What is the point? And why do I continue to let him hurt me?


Alex,

Before you even start reading this, I want you to know that you do not need to write back. I'm not doing this for a response....

I just wanted to say that I know what I've done to you and there isn't anything that I can say to take the pain that I caused away, However that is not my intention. I am writing this so that you will know that I am sorry, as sorry as I possibly can be. I'm sure by now that you are somewhat over me and have moved on with your life and to be honest, that is what I have been hoping for all along. At night I imagine you you healthy, probably having stopped smoking and lost the weight that you had been wanting to get rid of... working on something constructive and probably in Oregon where you belong. At least this what I hope for you. Maybe you'll take comfort in knowing that I have regressed in many ways... and that I have seen and done things completely out of character for me and feel like the worlds biggest piece of shit for it.

I'm sorry for everything that I am and ever was. I'm sorry that I could not be the person that you needed and should have been.. I'm a child. Thats hard to admit because I like to think of myself as something more than that, but it is the truth....

Anyway... if you read this.. I just want you to know that you have not been and never will be forgotten and I will always love you.

I hope that you are well.

TJ

Alex L wrote:

How is Milo.

t j wrote:

You will be happy to know Milo is doing well.


Alex L wrote:


Sorry to hear that you aren't.

I have not been sure what to say. You are and always will be the love of my life. At least the person I thought you were will be. If the last year is any indication it seems I wont ever entirely get over that person. Anyone I have dated since then has been brutally compared. I know eventually I will have to settle or stay alone.
It's interesting that you would be writing me now. I am leaving for OR. in 5 days. Yes i've quit smoking (3 months so far), lost half the weight anyway and I have a lot of plans for the future. Overall I am well I guess.

And I'm sorry too. You were always the person I needed, I don't know what you thought I wanted but I already had it so far as I was concerned.

Anyway, how come you decided to email now?


Maybe he thought he'd rip off the scab and dig his finger in one last time. I don't know, I feel nauseous. I wish I could just let it all go and not care anymore.

Goofy Pics

Since things have been so serious lately I thought i'd add a little levity and give people something to laugh about....



I'm very serious.


But seem to be happier with 70's hair.

Tomorrow i'll post some photos of what i've been doing all this time. I'm tired and I need someone to rub my feet.

Victims keep being Victimized

WTF? 3 Days these people have been wading around without food or fresh water. Where the hell is all the federal aid? Where is the military? Where are the celebrity fund raisers? Why the f*k isn't Brad and Angelina on TV gathering help for OUR country? Aren't they exotic enough? Or maybe that's part of the problem.
I can't tell you how many people are wandering around MY city not knowing what to do with themselves. People are desperate, some of them are fighting. It is breaking my heart, especially when it comes to the elderly. I don't think most people realize what a 100 degree day is like in Louisiana. I can't imagine having to deal with it for 3 days, knee deep in dirty water with no fresh water to drink. It must feel like they've been suffering forever.
Seems that priority 1 to the powers that be are oil and gas prices. That's all i'm hearing Georgie talk about. Fuck the goddamned gas. People are still dying. Get off your collective asses and do what you've been over paid for.

The lack of progress for this situation is completely pathetic and there is no excuse for it. There isn't enough profanity to express my disgust.

..And then they made me their chief

Sorry to anyone who cares.., I've suddenly had a lot to take care of. I'll be back when I can.

Dear London

My heart goes out to you and my thoughts are with you. I'm sure all of americas thoughts and prayers are for the victims and their families right now. I do hope they catch those responsible quickly.

The lazy I don't feel like posting anything post

Luckily I could steal this questionare from Larry. Thanks Larry. :)

Name: Alex
Nickname: Lizard, Nurse Porn (NOT for the reason you think)
Astrological sign: Scorpio
Age: 32
Height: 5'9"
Weight: I'll tell you when I get down to 118 again
Occupation: Gypsy
Birthplace: Brooklyn, New York
How many children: None
Do you drink (alcohol): Only occasionally and only to get drunk, stuff tastes terrible why drink it if not to get lit?
Do you smoke: I'm on the patch!
Favorite outdoor activities: jogging or taking walks, sex, if it's not a million degrees pretty much anything.
Favorite indoor activities: reading, movies, this computer, sex
Favorite colors: Red, Pink, Green
Favorite type of music: Punk/hardcore

Favorite musical groups/performers: Dead Kennedys, Subhumans, Janes Addiction, The Doors, Violent Femmes, Black Flagg, The Cramps, that is Adam Ant back in the day to the left of my blog there. Gorgeous man he was. Tons of classic as well, Led Zep, Bob Marley, Janis Joplin, Black Sabbath.

Favorite song at the moment: Don't really have one. I've been listening to Mountain Song a lot. From Janes Addiction.
Favorite song of all time: That is just an impossible question, couldnt pick one.
Favorite current song, alternative: I don't know what you crazy kids listen to these days.
Favorite current song, non-alternative: yeah right
Song that never fails to put me into a good mood: Tainted Love by Soft Cell
Should the song above fail, I'll play: Bikini Girls With Machine Guns, The Cramps
What's in your home CD/Cassette player right now: Never Mind the Bollocks here's the Sex Pistols
What's in you car CD/Cassette player right now: Nothing Shocking, Janes Addiction.
Do you play an instrument: Nah but all my boyfriends have.=P
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping: No but i've jumped in fully clothed more than once.
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up: Elvira, or at least the new host of Movie Macabre and then an Archaeologist.
What would be your dream job now: Jet Setting eccentric Billionaress..barring that, still an archaeologist.
Have you ever been convicted of a crime: mmm no
Places you'd most like to visit: New Zealand, Santorini Greece, All of southern Italy, Maybe Turkey, England to break one off of Paul.
Your first car: A 1952 Chevy Deluxe with pink and purple flames. I crashed it.
Dream car: 64' and a half ford mustang.
Car you drive now: One step above pinto, Geo Metro Hatchback
Favorite season: Fall
Favorite holiday: Halloween, I still dress up and set up my house to scare the hell out of the little'ins
Favorite hobbies: This! Reading, carpentry
Favorite sport to play: Soccer, baseball
Favorite sport to watch: maybe aussie rules footy
Least favorite sport to watch: All the rest, watching sports on tv is boring crap I think.

Most humiliating moment: hmm there are so many...At 15 I had a crush on a senior boy, who knew it. I was at my locker one day, which was a bottom locker and forced me to squat down. As my crush walked by he thought he'd be funny and shut it on me, instead of closing, the door slammed against the jam, flew back, hit me on the head and knocked me on my butt. He felt bad but for some reason I felt stupid.

Do you have any siblings: No, only child
Do you get along with your parents: We share a comfortable mutual denial. But at least we don't fight.
Favorite place to chill: Right here
Favorite place to visit: New Orleans
What is your bad time of day: Getting out of bed
What is your good time of day: Any free time
Favorite flower/plant: Sunflowers, because they are gigantic beauty! Beauty that shines down on you.
Favorite subject in school: History and English in High School. Anthropology and writing in college.
Least favorite subject in school: I am mathmatically retarded.
Favorite authors: Mostly horror, Koontz, King, Poe, Lovecraft, Asimov, Classics. I love shakespear and J.M. Barrie.
Favorite book: Don Quixote
Current book I'm reading: In Search of the Trojan War by Michael Wood and The Lost World of Pompeii by Colin Amery, also Roadwork by stephen king
Favorite magazine: Archaeology, Jane, This Old House
Favorite movie of all time: Impossible question! If I HAD to choose, Evil Dead II Dead by Dawn.

Other favorite movies: There are just tons...Goonies, Yellowbeard, Princess Bride, Lord of the Rings, Thin Man, anything Tim Burton-y or M.Knight, Enter the Dragon or any Bruce Lee Hong Kong Fooey, Jeepers Creepers, Cabin Fever, All Zombie Movies especially shaun of the dead, Lost Boys, Pirates of the Carribbean, Harry Potter, Star Wars..the first 3. Reservoir Dogs, Killing Zoe, Dusk Till Dawn, SLC Punks,Suburbia, any creature feature or black and white including but not limited to, Plan 9 from Outer Space, The Day The Earth Stood Still, King Kong, Abbott and Costello monster movies and of course, The Godfather. This could be the longest list in history if I let it.

Favorite actors/actresses: Gary Oldman, Leonardo (Hey he's a good actor ok!) Al Pacino, Kate Winslette, The Patron Saint of Horror fans, Bruce Campbell
Favorite cartoon character: Fry from Futurama
Favorite food: Anything Greek. I love souvlaki
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups
Favorite alcoholic drink: Madori Sours
What is your bedtime: Depends, anywhere from 2am to 6am
Worst enemies: Fundamentalists

Interesting fact about your childhood: When I was a kid I was always climbing things. At any point I could be found up a tree or on a roof. I'd climb semi's, ditches, whatever. The day my step dad walked down the hallway and found me braced between the two walls and staring down at him from the ceiling was the day I got the nickname "Lizard".

The first thing you think of in the morning: "Crap, I lived"
Favorite thing to do when you're home alone: masturbate furiously
Things that make you feel good: Exercise, Pauls brutal idea of flirtation, staring at the ocean.
Things you don't like: Feet, spiders, beets, people who talk down to waitresses or snarky people in general.
Scariest feeling in the world: Unknown bug projectiles landing in your hair, That moment when you're out in the dark and you realise someone is behind you.
Best feeling in the world: intimate hugs, eating ice cream
Do you get motion sickness: Only on fishing boats and only on the ocean
Roller Coasters - Deadly or Exciting: Exciting, love them.
Thunderstorms - Cool or Scary: Cool, love them too. Especially with flannel jammies a good book and hot chocolate.
Pen or Pencil: Computer
Do you like to drive: All the time, I take road trips whenever possible.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: No, but I sleep with my cat and I do have one stuffed animal from my childhood that sits on my nightstand, "Boofy" the dog.
Did you have imaginary friends or a blanket as a child: Neither, it was just me and Boofy
What words or phrases do you overuse: I curse too much, Right On!

Coolest things anyone ever gave you: a birthday present relating to Peter Pan,(one of my favorites) wrapped in brown paper and rope twine with an address from "Neverland". It's my favorite just because he had put in so much effort and it was so well done that I didn't want to open it and ruin it.

How would you characterize your political leanings: Middle of the road
If you could pick one super-human power, what would you choose: Invisibilty/super strength.
Favorite Quotes/Lyrics/Poems:

Quotes:

"I always respected the rules. I broke them all, but I respected them."
-Faye Dancer, AAGPBL

"First you take a run at La Fours with a sock full of quarters. I'd do it, but I threw my back out humping your mom last night. Neege."
-Jay, Mall Rats

--------------------------

Poetry:

Excerpts from Jim Morrison

Have you ever seen God?"
-a mandala. A symmetrical angel.

Felt? yes. Fucking. The Sun.
Heard? Music. Voices.
Touched? an animal. your hand.
Tasted? Rare meat, corn, water,
& wine.

------------------------------------

Ladies & gentlemen:
please attend carefully to these words & events
It's your last chance, our last hope.
In this womb or tomb, we're free of the swarming streets.
The black fever which rages is safely out those doors
My friends & I come from
Far Arden w/ dances, &
new music
Everywhere followers accrue
to our procession.
Tales of Kings, gods, warriors
and lovers dangled like
jewels for your careless pleasure

I'm Me!
Can you dig it.
My meat is real.
My hands--how they move
balanced like lithe demons
My hair--so twined and writhing
The skin of my face--pinch the cheeks
My flaming sword tongue
spraying verbal fire-flys
I'm real.
I'm human
But I'm not an ordinary man
No No No

---------------------------------


Song Lyrics

We held hands on the last night on earth.
Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees,
screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves.
It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated
along the bottom of the river.
So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea
and the shattered seasons lay,
and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease.
In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner."
The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide.
We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes
of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress.
The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn
as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop.
The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime.
I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked
if you would accompany me in a quick fall,
but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't for two.
I rode alone.
You said, "The cinders are falling like snow."
There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty,
bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence.
Of blue and grey.
Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city.
The sun was stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon
and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines.
Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward,
and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched
into the earth like a message.

- AFI