Happy Holidays

I guess i've been having kind of a bad week so I haven't really had too much to say. But I hope everyone has a really nice holiday and you all get the gifts that you want and also that you get to have whatever makes you happiest in the new year.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Cheesy Edward V1.0

Little bit of a layout change going on here. Yes there is cheesy music, it's just until xmas so deal with it! If it really bugs you then once the background loads hit the stop button. Easy enough.
Things might look a little wacky for a while since i'm still tweeking. :)

Good Pals

Well it's happened, like a lonely vampire i've managed to suck another human down into the black pits of blogspot. Meet my very bestest good friend Steven go to his blog and comment regularly cause he is a good person and really quite fascinating even though it seems he has some sort of mental glitch that makes him like me despite all my shortcomings. So go see him!

On another note, I hadn't realized that my tagboard had a popup since my browser blocks them. To cut down on annoyance I got a new one. You can do some groovy html stuff with your text on it too. I'll post all the fun stuff in the next entry.

Hope everyones done thier Christmas shopping!

For Lance's Morning Cup of Joe

Lance asked an interesting question when he wanted to know what makes us different from anyone else. I'm not sure there is such a thing. I mean, no matter how unique or strange a person is, there is always someone in the great wide world who has the same trait.

I'm strange, nerdy and very eccentric. All those things I mostly hid when I was younger but at this point I don't care because as an adult, there are 2 things that i've learned about people. Number 1, EVERYONE is a nerd and Number 2, no one really knows what the hell is going on anyway.

I've always been a tomboy. When I was a kid I had Star Wars action figures, I rode skateboards, was a soccer forward and absolutely HAD to be the shot up soldier who dies a heroic and dramatically long death while playing army with the other kids on the block.

I had a weird thing about being in high places. Trees, rocks, ditches, the roof, even mac trucks if available, all had to be climbed. My step father once walked into a hallway past the closet nook only to look up and find me stuck to the ceiling, feet planted against one wall and hands against the other. Henceforth I was nicknamed 'lizard'. I think he called me that until I was 17 or so.

I would only wear boy-ish clothes. Jeans or shorts and t-shirts. And after 3rd grade, always always a pair of vans. That's a weirdness I still haven't grown out of. If i'm girly in anything it's that I love shoes, but they're almost all sneakers and 16 pairs of them are VANS.

When I insisted to my mother that I wanted to ride in BMX she drew the line and desperately tried to 'girl me up' by bringing me to the hairdresser and sticking me in pastels. All that accomplished was the worst perm of my life and a lot of stained pink shirts. Lucky for me she eventually gave up and I was allowed to race and jump my non motorized boys bike, but only in an empty track.

I was oddly entrepeneurial for my age. In 5th grade I figured out how much money I could make if I bought a bag of the ever popular Jolly Ranchers for 1.50 and sold them for .25 cents a peice. I made a killing. If there was a way I thought I could make money i'd try it. By the time I was 10 I already had a bank account with 1024$ in it. I spent it on a horse.

Due to being an only child and mostly alone I suppose, I read books like mad and still do. Like every little kid I loved learning about dinosaurs. But unlike other kids I took it much farther. Paleontology was a jumping off point, I learned the names of each Dino on sight, time periods, approximate sizes and weights and even contemplated the theories that caused their global demise. By the time I was 11 I had graduated from extinct animal to ancient civilization, had a rudimentary understanding of cryptography and could decipher some basic egyptian glyphs.

The truly eccentric part is the morbid fascination with mummification or rather just finding the dead who's dried up forms had somehow survived thousands of years to be studied. I was the only 10 year old I know that, after having buried a found dead bird would go back a month later to dig it up just to see what happened to it. Not only would I look at the remains but color changes to the soil, texture etc. All of that eventually resulted in my going to college to major in general anthropology with a focus on paleoanthro.

Alright that's epic enough for now. Hope you ate your cheerios Lance.

Smile though your heart is breaking

I don't know why but I was just remembering a woman I once saw. I had gone out to eat breakfast with my mom and my now ex fiance. While we were waiting for our food another party being seated walked past.

Among the group was this amazing woman. She stood tall, dressed in a fancy long purple coat with fuzzy collar and a large brimmed purple hat with big white feathers bordering the top. She also walked with a cane. I don't think she needed the cane as she was relatively young but she walked with it never the less, smiling and nodding graciously to all she passed.

At first the whole room was transfixed but after a while got to whispering amongst themselves, my table included. My mother bf and I speculated on what would possibly make someone dress that way and I suppose the whole restaurant was doing the same.

Finally the excitement died down a bit but there was one small boy who continued to stare at the woman, never breaking contact. She smiled to him sweetly as she talked among her friends. She spoke with her hands, gesturing grandly like a starlet from Fellini. Finally she stood up and walked to his table where she reached in the pocket of her purple coat and laid in front of him a handfull of gold coin chocolates. The family thanked her, the boy still stared but smiled. Graceful and still smiling herself she went back to her own chair.

She was the biggest thing in the room and oddly enough she seemed so much more REAL. Everyone stared and whispered and smiled. That was the amazing thing, everyone smiled. I wonder what it would be like to be the kind of person who makes everyone they meet, smile.

I don't know what made me think of her really. I guess I was feeling melancholy and I've always wondered if that woman was like that all the time or if she did that to make herself smile too.

My Kingdom for a Candy Bar

I got the midnight munchies sooooooo bad and there is zero junk food in my house. What's worse is that I'm trying not to smoke. I would gladly give a pinky toe for a peanut butter cup right now. *Makes grabby hands*

Ugh what causes this?

Happy Chanukah!

Just wanted to give a big fat happy shout out to our friend Lance since Chanukkah begins today! I wish they'd pick a spelling for it already, I mean is it a C is it an H? One K, two K's is there an A or an H on the end or what???

And for anyone who's curious to know, I found a small synopsis of what it's all about. So everyone can learn a little something too.

"Hanukkah, the "Festival of Lights," starts on the 25th day of the Jewish calendar month of Kislev and lasts for eight days and nights. In 2004 Hanukkah begins at sundown on December 7. With blessings, games, and festive foods, Hanukkah celebrates the triumphs—both religious and military—of ancient Jewish heroes.

Hanukkah is a relatively minor holiday in the Jewish year. In the United States, however, its closeness to Christmas has brought greater attention to Hanukkah and its gift-giving tradition. Amid the ever-growing flood of Christmas advertising, it may seem especially fitting that the Hanukkah story tells of Jewish culture surviving in a non-Jewish world.


The Hanukkah Story


Nearly 2,200 years ago, the Greek-Syrian ruler Antiochus IV tried to force Greek culture upon peoples in his territory. Jews in Judea—now Israel—were forbidden their most important religious practices as well as study of the Torah. Although vastly outnumbered, religious Jews in the region took up arms to protect their community and their religion. Led by Mattathias the Hasmonean, and later his son Judah the Maccabee, the rebel armies became known as the Maccabees.

After three years of fighting, in the year 3597, or about 165 B.C.E., the Maccabees victoriously reclaimed the temple on Jerusalem's Mount Moriah. Next they prepared the temple for rededication—in Hebrew, Hanukkah means "dedication." In the temple they found only enough purified oil to kindle the temple light for a single day. But miraculously, the light continued to burn for eight days.


The lighting of the menorah, known in Hebrew as the hanukiya, is the most important Hanukkah tradition. A menorah is a candlestand with nine branches. Usually eight candles—one for each day of Hanukkah—are of the same height, with a taller one in the middle, the shamash ("servant"), which is used to light the others. Each evening of Hanukkah, one more candle is lit, with a special blessing.

The menorah symbolizes the burning light in the temple, as well as marking the eight days of the Hanukkah festival. Some say it also celebrates the light of freedom won by the Maccabees for the Jewish people.


The Dreidel


Long a favorite Hanukkah toy, the dreidel once had a serious purpose. When the Syrians forbid study of the Torah, Jews who studied in secret kept spinning tops—sivivons, or dreidels—on hand. This way, if they were found studying, they could quickly pretend that they had only been playing.

Outside of Israel, a dreidel has the Hebrew letters "nun," "gimel," "hay," and "shin" on its four sides. These letters stand for "Nes gadol haya sham," which means, "A great miracle happened there," referring to Israel. An Israeli dreidel has the letter "pay" rather than "shin." This stands for "poh," meaning "here"—"a great miracle happened here."

The Hebrew letters also represent Yiddish words that tell how to play the dreidel game. Each player starts with the same amount of candies, chocolate coins (gelt), or other tokens, and puts one in a pot. Players take turns spinning the dreidel, waiting to see which letter lands face up. Nun is for "nisht," nothing—do nothing. Gimel is for "gants," whole—take the whole pot. Hay is for "halb," half—take half. Shin is for "shtel," to put in—add to the pot. The game ends when a single player wins all the tokens.

Hanukkah Foods


Many traditional Hanukkah foods are cooked in oil, in remembrance of the oil that burned in the temple. In the United States, the most widespread Hanukkah food is latkes, or potato pancakes, a custom that may have developed in Eastern Europe. In Israel, the favorite Hanukkah food is sufganiya, a kind of jelly donut cooked in oil. Israelis eat sufganiyot for more than a month before the start of Hanukkah.

Eating dairy products, especially cheese, is another Hanukkah tradition. This is done in memory of the Jewish heroine Judith, who according to legend saved her village from Syrian attackers. Judith fed wine and cheese to the Syrian general Holofernes until he became so drunk that he fell to the ground. She then seized his sword and cut off his head, which she brought back to her village in a basket. The next morning, Syrian troops found the headless body of their leader and fled in terror."


And of course as each generation passes new holiday traditions are born. These days it wouldn't be Chanukkah without Adam Sandler.

The Hanukkah Song

"ok ok this is a song that uh, theres a lot of Christmas songs
out there
and uh not to many Hanukah songs so uh i wrote a song for all
those
nice little Jewish kids who don't get to hear any Hanukah
songs."

Put on your yamakah,
here comes Hanukah,
so much funnukah to celebrate Hanukah,
Hanukah is,
the feastival of lights,
instead of one day of presents we have eight crazy nights!

When you feel like the only kid in town,
without a Christmas tree,
Here's a list of people who are Jewish,
just like you and me!

David Lee Roth,
lights the Menorah,
so do James Konkirk Dougalas and the late Diana Shora,
Geuss who eats together at the Carnagi Deli,
Bosher from Shanana and Arthur Fonza Relli!

Pualoman half jewish,
Goldi Hans too,
put them together what a FINE lookin jew!

You don't need Deck the Halls or The Jingle Bell Rock,
cause you can spin a dradle with Captian Kirk and Mr. Spock!
(both jewish!)

Put on you yarmakah,
its time for Hannukah,
the owners of the Seattle supersonikahs,
celebrate Hanukah!

OJ Simpson,
NOT A JEW!,
but geuss who is?,
Hall o' famer Rod Karou!

We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby,
Harrison Fords a quater Jewish!,
NOT TO SHABBY!

Some people think,
Ebaniser Scrooge is,
well he's not but geuss who is?,
all three Stooges!!!

So many Jews are rich o' biz,
Tom Cruise isn't,
but I heard his agent is!

Tell your friend Veronica,
its time to celebrate Hanukah!,
O don't forget a harmonica,
on this lovely lovely Hanukah!
So drink your gin and tonicah,
and smoke your marajuanica!
if you really really wannukah,
have a happy happy happy,
HANUKAH!


So there it is Lance, Happy holidays to you and yours. Love ya much! I'm going to go eat some chocolate coins in honor of you. That is if I can find them or ANYTHING non-christian in this closed minded, bigoted, little hick town. Phew..ok I won't rant on your holiday. :)

What the hell?

Why won't my recent post count update on my profile? Will someone please tell me? Any ideas. It's small and stupid but it's driving me batshit.

Little o' this 'n' little o' that

Not much new today. I had started an epic essay on the things that make me different (ie. weird). Inspired by Lance of course. But it got to be so long that I need to either break it down into separate entries or weed out a lot of things. It's amazing how easy it is to talk about your own weirdness. Anyway that entry is going to have to wait for a later time.

An old friend from back home is veeerrry mad at me. He found out I went to california for thanksgiving and he's bent out of shape that I didn't give him a call. In my defense though he had told me he was going to be in Lake Havasu so I thought he was gone anyway. So our last conversation mostly consisted of him telling me how bad I suck.

In all honesty i'm not sure I wanted to meet up anyway not because I don't want to see my friend but because things are a little different now. I mean we really haven't seen each other since we were 22 and 23 respectively, a long long story for a later time, but he is married with children and much different from the skinny skater kid I remember fondly.

While we were never romantically involved (we never really made it past the 'soc each other in the arm' phase), we've been close friends since we were 13/14 and I think we'd have to act different around each other if his wife and kids are in tow. I dunno, it's hard to explain without telling the whole long, dramatic deal, things would just feel strange.

But I don't stress about it like he does because I figure after 19 years, 5 moves, 2 separations longer than a year one of us always manages to find the other and it seems neither one of us can live without having the other in our lives in some respect, be it phone or email. We're bound to have another opportunity to go to lunch sooner or later. And he freaks about every damn thing anyway, always has, the whiny biatch.

In other news...



I've lost just a smidge of respect for BAM this week. They did a mini marathon of episodes including the one where Bam and Johnny Knoxville (for those who don't know, the biggest "JackAss") are having a prank competition. One of JK's pranks was to put a snake on BAM...apparently BAM is afraid of snakes. He's so afraid of snakes that when he was held down and confronted with it, he cried like a little girl. Actually, that's insulting because when I was a little girl I had a ball python that I raised from a baby to about 7foot. When I was 24 and traveling too much to keep it anymore I gave it to ANOTHER little girl. So there, two little girls who didn't cry over snakes. I'll rephrase, he screamed like a little bitch. Where have all the real men gone? Oh well, I still wouldn't kick him out of bed.

P.S. To Lance, that entry about you and your brother sliding around on the vinyl floor...biggest laugh i've had this year. Thanks for that. Oh and Happy Chanukah, I believe that starts in a day or two yes?

A Simple Truth

I'm pretty down today but I don't want to write about that. Suffice it to say that love is confusing, especially when you want the kind that people write novels about and nothing less will do.

I was thinking though of a story my grandfather related to me over the Thanksgiving holiday. But first i'll say, my grandparents are getting on in years, both in their 80's now but my grandad still treats his wife like she is the only woman in the world. He also has a terrific sense of humor. In the mornings he is always the first one awake and when she finally wanders out of bed and into the kitchen he always says something to the effect of, "Who's that gorgeous blonde over there? She must have taken a wrong street or something.."His computer passwords relate to her, even the screensaver scroll says.."I love my bella Anna".

I had heard a story when I was 12 or so that during WWII my grandad who was in the army had gone AWOL to get my grandmother out of Italy. So I asked him about that and he told me the story. I wish I had recorded it because it's long and like I said he has a good sense of humor.

The first thing he said to me was..he really didn't go AWOL...because ya know AWOL is when you're gone but desertion is when you bring your stuff with you.

I guess after a 2 year tour in Italy he was getting shipped back to the U.S. and not wanting to be apart from my grandmother and after figuring out she couldn't fit into a suitcase (Yes they really thought about that option) he took his things off the boat an left. He went straight to an army office in Naples and told the officer in charge what he had done. The officer said "It's not too late go back..!" To which my grandad replied.."Yes it is, I watched the boat sail away." LOL

Long story short my grandad had to talk to another big honcho who, for whatever reason, took pity on him and gave him a job. Called washington to say he had been re-asigned so he never got in trouble for the desertion.
He worked for big honcho for a while and was able to see my grandmother and get her fiance' status. There was some sort of amnesty in the U.S. for war brides that was going to be closed out at the end of december. He managed to get her off the boat and on U.S. soil by december 27th and they got married on Febuary 14th.

That's the very very short version but the point is, I can't help thinking that I want love like that. I mean who wouldn't want to know someone is willing to go through all that trouble for them? Take that kind of risk? And on top of all of it, still be treated with so much love more than 50 years later?

I don't know, maybe it's true that it only happens for a handful of very lucky people. And maybe some of us get to have it but only for a short time. It seems like it shouldn't matter how complicated things are. The answer to any question should be infinitely simple when it comes to real love. Like in my grandparents case...you find a way to be together, no matter what.

Happy Thanksgiving

Ugh.. I wrote out a whole huge post and this effin thing wouldn't save. I'm not re-writing it all. Ok sum up..big dinner, large italian family, lots of fighting.

Oh and I now must insist on being referred to as Mrs. Margera. Bam is so damn hot. A little like Ewan Mcgregor without the whiney feminine aftertaste.

He will be mine..oh yes he will be mine.

zzzzzzz

Well, not a whole lot to say today. Got a few nice things for my birthday. I was really excited when I got a L.A.M.B. bag, been wanting that for months now, whoo hoo! Also got some Victorias Secret undies and a little bit of cold hard cash.
My mommy took me out for the day as well although we ended up blowing a tire on the interstate and sitting there for about 3 hours. After that we went to dinner, which was kind of nice because it seems the entire local marine base was on leave and had all collectively decided to eat at the same place. Dinner and a show, quite lovely.
After dinner we just went to the mall and browsed around for a while. I found a few outfits i'd like to pick up but I'm waiting until next weekend. Nothing really going on other than that. Wow what a boring entry!

Tick Tick Ticking Away

I'm turning 32 on sunday and it's making me miserable. It feels so ooolllddd. I guess I kinda figured that after I hit 30 it wouldn't feel as bad because what's the difference? 30, 32, 38, it's all old. Well at least too old for responsible adult people to be out partying with friends and whatnot. Good little 30 somethings are renovating their homes and changing poopy diapers. I don't feel anything like 32. I still feel 22. I don't think I look 32 but that's subjective. Maybe it's because I don't own a house or have to change poopy diapers that this feels so off.

It's amazing how different things are from what I had expected. But then when I was a little girl I thought by 30 I'd have hair like Farrah and be married to Sean Cassidy. I dwelled on the completely overwhelming idea that I'd be 28 when the year 2000 came, that is if the Russians didn't nuke us first. I also managed to get the strange idea that I wouldn't make it to 35. I don't know why I settled on 34 as the end of me, but for whatever reason I did and it really stuck.

It's not something I really think about until birthdays come around but I think maybe it's always there in the back of my head. Maybe that's why I've never been able to settle down. I get bored so easily. It could be why I've lived in 5 different states in as many years. It could be why every now and again instead of pulling into the parking lot of whatever job I'm doing at the time I just continue driving and chuck everything i've accumulated. Maybe it's the reason I've never taken a marriage proposal seriously or had any children or even owned a credit card. The idea of being able to see my days stretched out before me in a similar routine is so completely depressing and scary that when that thought takes hold I start collecting moving boxes.

I just know I want more more more of everything. Of seeing the world, trying new things. I still want to learn to play guitar, do karate, speak fluent italian. I've gone to Australia but was depressed about not being able to hop over to New Zealand. I want to see Giza. I want to see Akrotiri. I want to finish that Anthropology degree. There are so many things I want to see and do that I know an average life won't give me time for. On the flip side, I'm tired. I do want to get married and have children and own a home. I want to be somewhere that I can see myself staying in forever.

I know logically that it's unlikely I'll suddenly die at 34, but I still feel rushed. I feel so pressed for time and I can't shake that feeling.

Dorky Pics

Silly pics of me snuck with the ex's web cam, whilst he was at work.




I so shouldn't post this one. I know it will come back to bite me.



I hope that works. Unfortunately they are unedited and unresized. He's got about a billion ways to take a picture on this thing and not a single program to edit. I miss photoshop, I hate being grainy with long load times.

P.S. Olaf gives good eyebrow

Bathroom Trauma

Well now that I'm here I'm drawing a blank. Big shock. That happens to me just about every time I try to write anything, birthday cards, notes, emails etc. But if I do make an entry it's a good bet I'm procrastinating about something. Tonight it's cleaning my bathroom.
I have a good excuse, I promise. I've become afraid of my bathroom. In the last few days I've not been able to step accross the threshold without something horrific or painful happening to me.

The first day I went in, minding my own business, getting ready to DO my business mind you, I took my seat, head in hand, (having just risen for the morning and still half asleep, my neck couldn't hold it up yet..) I briefly felt something brush me and looked up to find a giant spider landing on my head. I'm a little freaked out by spiders as it is, I don't get hysterical ordinarily but this spider actually had WEIGHT. And as a half dozen pictures of decayed flesh caused by brown recluse bites raced through my head..I found the only thing at my disposal to swat it with was the roll of TP. It unceremoniously hit the ground and laid there on it's back. I'm convinced it was just playing dead, so I didnt take any chances and squished it fast. I made sure to remove the bit of TP that had touched it off the roll before using it and after hung a fly swater within easy reach.

On the second day I was getting into the shower and when I took the first step in, my foot slipped forcing my shin to hit the side of the tub hard right on the bone. A purple welt appeared immediately and I actually stopped to rub it and tentatively kept testing it to see if it was broken. Which then sent me into an emotional downward spiral about how old I am to sit there nursing a bump on the shin and what a hypochondriac wussy I was and how I wouldn't have done such a thing when I was 20, instead just walking it off. That could have been an entry in and of itself. Instead of another entry I'm simply going to embrace my age and buy some of those sticky foot shaped slip guard things for the bottom of the tub.

Anyway, after that there has been a nail scrape to the elbow (from which the new fly swater hangs), an ant invasion and a bowl backup at the worst possible time for overflows. I want nothing more than to scrub my tub for a long hot bath right now but i'm afraid the roof will cave in putting a dent in my head and sending giant spiders cascading down on top.

Here's hoping bathrooms are safer in Florida.