zzzzzzz

Well, not a whole lot to say today. Got a few nice things for my birthday. I was really excited when I got a L.A.M.B. bag, been wanting that for months now, whoo hoo! Also got some Victorias Secret undies and a little bit of cold hard cash.
My mommy took me out for the day as well although we ended up blowing a tire on the interstate and sitting there for about 3 hours. After that we went to dinner, which was kind of nice because it seems the entire local marine base was on leave and had all collectively decided to eat at the same place. Dinner and a show, quite lovely.
After dinner we just went to the mall and browsed around for a while. I found a few outfits i'd like to pick up but I'm waiting until next weekend. Nothing really going on other than that. Wow what a boring entry!

Tick Tick Ticking Away

I'm turning 32 on sunday and it's making me miserable. It feels so ooolllddd. I guess I kinda figured that after I hit 30 it wouldn't feel as bad because what's the difference? 30, 32, 38, it's all old. Well at least too old for responsible adult people to be out partying with friends and whatnot. Good little 30 somethings are renovating their homes and changing poopy diapers. I don't feel anything like 32. I still feel 22. I don't think I look 32 but that's subjective. Maybe it's because I don't own a house or have to change poopy diapers that this feels so off.

It's amazing how different things are from what I had expected. But then when I was a little girl I thought by 30 I'd have hair like Farrah and be married to Sean Cassidy. I dwelled on the completely overwhelming idea that I'd be 28 when the year 2000 came, that is if the Russians didn't nuke us first. I also managed to get the strange idea that I wouldn't make it to 35. I don't know why I settled on 34 as the end of me, but for whatever reason I did and it really stuck.

It's not something I really think about until birthdays come around but I think maybe it's always there in the back of my head. Maybe that's why I've never been able to settle down. I get bored so easily. It could be why I've lived in 5 different states in as many years. It could be why every now and again instead of pulling into the parking lot of whatever job I'm doing at the time I just continue driving and chuck everything i've accumulated. Maybe it's the reason I've never taken a marriage proposal seriously or had any children or even owned a credit card. The idea of being able to see my days stretched out before me in a similar routine is so completely depressing and scary that when that thought takes hold I start collecting moving boxes.

I just know I want more more more of everything. Of seeing the world, trying new things. I still want to learn to play guitar, do karate, speak fluent italian. I've gone to Australia but was depressed about not being able to hop over to New Zealand. I want to see Giza. I want to see Akrotiri. I want to finish that Anthropology degree. There are so many things I want to see and do that I know an average life won't give me time for. On the flip side, I'm tired. I do want to get married and have children and own a home. I want to be somewhere that I can see myself staying in forever.

I know logically that it's unlikely I'll suddenly die at 34, but I still feel rushed. I feel so pressed for time and I can't shake that feeling.

Dorky Pics

Silly pics of me snuck with the ex's web cam, whilst he was at work.




I so shouldn't post this one. I know it will come back to bite me.



I hope that works. Unfortunately they are unedited and unresized. He's got about a billion ways to take a picture on this thing and not a single program to edit. I miss photoshop, I hate being grainy with long load times.

P.S. Olaf gives good eyebrow

Bathroom Trauma

Well now that I'm here I'm drawing a blank. Big shock. That happens to me just about every time I try to write anything, birthday cards, notes, emails etc. But if I do make an entry it's a good bet I'm procrastinating about something. Tonight it's cleaning my bathroom.
I have a good excuse, I promise. I've become afraid of my bathroom. In the last few days I've not been able to step accross the threshold without something horrific or painful happening to me.

The first day I went in, minding my own business, getting ready to DO my business mind you, I took my seat, head in hand, (having just risen for the morning and still half asleep, my neck couldn't hold it up yet..) I briefly felt something brush me and looked up to find a giant spider landing on my head. I'm a little freaked out by spiders as it is, I don't get hysterical ordinarily but this spider actually had WEIGHT. And as a half dozen pictures of decayed flesh caused by brown recluse bites raced through my head..I found the only thing at my disposal to swat it with was the roll of TP. It unceremoniously hit the ground and laid there on it's back. I'm convinced it was just playing dead, so I didnt take any chances and squished it fast. I made sure to remove the bit of TP that had touched it off the roll before using it and after hung a fly swater within easy reach.

On the second day I was getting into the shower and when I took the first step in, my foot slipped forcing my shin to hit the side of the tub hard right on the bone. A purple welt appeared immediately and I actually stopped to rub it and tentatively kept testing it to see if it was broken. Which then sent me into an emotional downward spiral about how old I am to sit there nursing a bump on the shin and what a hypochondriac wussy I was and how I wouldn't have done such a thing when I was 20, instead just walking it off. That could have been an entry in and of itself. Instead of another entry I'm simply going to embrace my age and buy some of those sticky foot shaped slip guard things for the bottom of the tub.

Anyway, after that there has been a nail scrape to the elbow (from which the new fly swater hangs), an ant invasion and a bowl backup at the worst possible time for overflows. I want nothing more than to scrub my tub for a long hot bath right now but i'm afraid the roof will cave in putting a dent in my head and sending giant spiders cascading down on top.

Here's hoping bathrooms are safer in Florida.