There's always a plus side

I feel horrid. My throat feels roughly as if I've attempted to swallow half a dozen razor blades. If I speak it's at a whisper. I've downed about 4 lbs. of cough drops, giving me heartburn and making my stomach sick to boot. When I manage to swallow, I’m pretty sure I’m drinking my own blood.
There is no amount of honey imbued lemon tea or disgusting hot salty water that brings me relief. I've woken at 3 am for the last 3 nights in order to try to swallow 4 more aspirin and savor yet another cough drop, hoping as I open the wrapper, that I don't choke on it when I finally do fall back in exhaustion. This is the worst kind of sick I’ve ever been and I’ve never had a sore throat for longer than 6 hours and certainly not one that a couple of aspirin didn't fade into a memory. I am starting to think I inhaled some sort of chemical that burned or maybe, too many of "J's" night time farts. I would slit my own throat, if it didn't already feel like I had.

I am in misery.

On the plus side, my nose isn't running. I just hate that.