Hmm

This is interesting and a little disturbing...

The Dead Letter Office

That's all there is

I'm finally going to houston this weekend to get the rest of my things from the ex's house.

I think it's been a year almost to the day since we broke up and after all this time at least once during every day it hits me hard and washes over me like a cold bucket of water. Seven years I had this person in my life and we'll never speak to each other again. For at least four of those years he was my whole world. I'm sure that was my mistake because when we separated I looked around and realized I had nothing else.
I ran home to mom and home wasn't even really home anymore since it was here and not cal. I came to this town where I had no friends and I got a job and I found a house to rent and as soon as I had started to have days that I didn't want to die, he called wanting me back. He called every day for 8 months. He called and begged and cried. In all that time I was too afraid to go back and when he stopped calling all that pain hit me all over again. Now he won't speak to me at all.
That is the hardest part, this person who was one of my closest friends years before we were ever romantically involved, will not speak to me. And the last time we did speak he was someone I didn't know at all.
Months ago I had a uhaul truck down there for all my things and he insisted I didn't need to take it all at once, he cried for me to leave some things there, just in case. I shouldn't have listened. It would have been far less painful for ME. I don't think he'll even be there this weekend. As irritated as I am for the lack of help, i'm somewhat relieved.
Never in my life did I think it would take this long to breathe again. In the past i've walked away from relationships, even 3 and 4 year long ones, with some sadness sure, but nothing a few beers and a couple of weeks with my friends couldn't cure. This is the one i'll never get over, but I knew that going in.

I miss the dog.

If you've ever hated your job...

Chuck E' Cheese. Did I ever mention I was the Rat? Yeah when I was 19, I was the rat.

No one knows what a job in the 7th circle of Hell truly is until they've been beat down and kicked by 20 some odd birthday bashing, sugar high, grade schoolers, whilst sweating in a giant fiberglass rat costume that has every sweltering, claustrophobic intake of breath reek with the gritty muck of a thousand overworked, zit faced teenagers. I'm talking about air you can taste.

You are quite litterally looking through the mouth of madness since your small window to the outside world is through the covered hole in the rat's deranged grin.
And through your tiny light of hope, skewed by ill aligned black screening, you're just lucky enough to gain one second to brace yourself for the size 4 shoe coming at your giant cartoon nose. In anticipation of the hard plastic rebounding against your face, your senses, already engulfed near to dementia by the cacophony of screaming, bleeping games and the horrible high pitched recycled sing along songs played by bizarre ghetto versions of puppet animatronics,... the last thing that comes with clarity to you're suffering ears is the ringing war cry of satans spawn spewing a venemous, "YOU'RE NOT REAL!!! RAAWWRR!!!"

*Shudder*

I still have post traumatic stress, like a vietnam vet in a flashback I drop, duck and cover every time I hear the piercing screams of playing children.

So now when I really hate a job I try to keep in mind, THAT job because nothing could ever be as horrible and terrifying as THAT job. In fact I think I should have had my social security handed to me and been allowed to retire at the ripe age of 20 for having EVER done THAT job for any length of time.

I actually feel sick thinking about it.

I should go play a sport RIGHT NOW

Hooray for this, Kinda! OSCAR winning director Peter Jackson says it will be at least three years before he shoots The Lord of the Rings prequel, The Hobbit.

Oh dear Peter I adored you for Dead Alive/Braindead but LOTR made you the fat, furry totem of my idolatry. Bless your chubby little heart.
I can feel my fellow nerds heave a collective sigh of anticipation and relief with me. Far off but it WILL happen it WILL!
We will pray at once to the Ainur and bid them bless your quest with ascending Ainulindale that will rise in creation of another beautiful, timeless film. The children of Iluvatar bow to you and nerd snort geek dork feeb tool barf snark.

Valar hail Peter and all kiwi's. May your ways be green and golden.


It's a good thing im kinda cute.
Namaarie

Jipped

Last night I had a dream with both David Bowie AND Ricardo Montalban. Bowie was in his ziggy, glam phase and everything. I still slept bad. You'd think between those two I could have one small wish granted. A good nights sleep with non disturbing dreams.
Hell, between those two, I should have been on an island paradise with gorgeous men in loincloths bearing drinks,... Henson puppets all around dancing and singing for my entertainment.
But noooooo I dreamt something more akin to SAW.

1 hour to LOST, that will make me feel better. =P Don't give me attitude you all have your vices too.

Blah

I'm depressed today. In fact i've sunk so low that I actually ate food from the gas station kitchen. When I went to get smokes I got a corn dog and some cajun fried tater wedges. The wedges were brilliant and well worth the stomache ache i'll likely have later, the corn dog...not so much. I figured it wouldn't be actual beef but I think I may have ate something human....
Note to self for the future: wedgies good, human corn dogs bad.

I do a lot of things in the south that I would have never considered when I lived in CA.

Ugh why do I let people hurt me so easily?

No More Ice Cream

I've been neglecting the blog. Had a lot going on this week though. My mom was selling her store. For a while she had an ice cream concession which was really cute because it was shaped like a giant ice cream cone. :) Unfortunately the clique-y townsfolk around here really hate any new business starting in town because they are narrow minded, frightened little pricks. And even though there was only one other ice cream store, no where near where my mothers was, they were still giving her a hard time. It took many calls with ridiculous requests from the various government powers that be, going to city council meetings etc. Every one here knows someone who can make things more difficult if they want.
The mayor of the town, who DOES want new business here, had to make all of last summer an "event" so she could put it on the river and stay there. But once summer was up she was left with the same problem....anyway very long story, lots of details I wont go into.
The result was, she finally got fed up and decided to just sell it. All this week has been devoted to re-painting and thoroughly cleaning everything for a buyer who came in yesterday morning. I feel a little sad, I know she's a little sad. But at least she got all her money back on it.

I'm going to miss going to get free ice cream this summer. :(

A couple of weeks back another lady had come into town to check out renting a building for a pet store. She went into the only pet store in town to talk to the owner about his business. He blatantly told her that if she tried to start another store in town he would do anything in his power to stop her.

That's the way of things here. Nothing but a bunch of effin dream killers who can't see past their own bible thumping, inbred b.s. I can't wait to leave.