That's all there is

I'm finally going to houston this weekend to get the rest of my things from the ex's house.

I think it's been a year almost to the day since we broke up and after all this time at least once during every day it hits me hard and washes over me like a cold bucket of water. Seven years I had this person in my life and we'll never speak to each other again. For at least four of those years he was my whole world. I'm sure that was my mistake because when we separated I looked around and realized I had nothing else.
I ran home to mom and home wasn't even really home anymore since it was here and not cal. I came to this town where I had no friends and I got a job and I found a house to rent and as soon as I had started to have days that I didn't want to die, he called wanting me back. He called every day for 8 months. He called and begged and cried. In all that time I was too afraid to go back and when he stopped calling all that pain hit me all over again. Now he won't speak to me at all.
That is the hardest part, this person who was one of my closest friends years before we were ever romantically involved, will not speak to me. And the last time we did speak he was someone I didn't know at all.
Months ago I had a uhaul truck down there for all my things and he insisted I didn't need to take it all at once, he cried for me to leave some things there, just in case. I shouldn't have listened. It would have been far less painful for ME. I don't think he'll even be there this weekend. As irritated as I am for the lack of help, i'm somewhat relieved.
Never in my life did I think it would take this long to breathe again. In the past i've walked away from relationships, even 3 and 4 year long ones, with some sadness sure, but nothing a few beers and a couple of weeks with my friends couldn't cure. This is the one i'll never get over, but I knew that going in.

I miss the dog.