My ex decided to write me after 8 months of not speaking. I was dumb enough to reply and he is ignoring me again. Will someone please explain to me why? What is the point? And why do I continue to let him hurt me?
Alex,
Before you even start reading this, I want you to know that you do not need to write back. I'm not doing this for a response....
I just wanted to say that I know what I've done to you and there isn't anything that I can say to take the pain that I caused away, However that is not my intention. I am writing this so that you will know that I am sorry, as sorry as I possibly can be. I'm sure by now that you are somewhat over me and have moved on with your life and to be honest, that is what I have been hoping for all along. At night I imagine you you healthy, probably having stopped smoking and lost the weight that you had been wanting to get rid of... working on something constructive and probably in Oregon where you belong. At least this what I hope for you. Maybe you'll take comfort in knowing that I have regressed in many ways... and that I have seen and done things completely out of character for me and feel like the worlds biggest piece of shit for it.
I'm sorry for everything that I am and ever was. I'm sorry that I could not be the person that you needed and should have been.. I'm a child. Thats hard to admit because I like to think of myself as something more than that, but it is the truth....
Anyway... if you read this.. I just want you to know that you have not been and never will be forgotten and I will always love you.
I hope that you are well.
TJ
Alex L
How is Milo.
t j
You will be happy to know Milo is doing well.
Alex L
Sorry to hear that you aren't.
I have not been sure what to say. You are and always will be the love of my life. At least the person I thought you were will be. If the last year is any indication it seems I wont ever entirely get over that person. Anyone I have dated since then has been brutally compared. I know eventually I will have to settle or stay alone.
It's interesting that you would be writing me now. I am leaving for OR. in 5 days. Yes i've quit smoking (3 months so far), lost half the weight anyway and I have a lot of plans for the future. Overall I am well I guess.
And I'm sorry too. You were always the person I needed, I don't know what you thought I wanted but I already had it so far as I was concerned.
Anyway, how come you decided to email now?
Maybe he thought he'd rip off the scab and dig his finger in one last time. I don't know, I feel nauseous. I wish I could just let it all go and not care anymore.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Letting it all hang out
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6 comments:
Always run from messages that start off with "Before you even start reading this, I want you to know...",
That should scream danger right there.
Once, an ex gave me a letter like that. I read that first line that was pretty much the same thing as what was in your letter. I then reached for the nearest pack of matches and burned the evil words from the face of the earth.
Worked wonders for me.
Alex....you always miss what you've lost and always want what you can't have. Some guys are just like that. My advice is to wish him luck, and tell him to get his life back on track and stop wallowing in the past. For what it's worth.
Thanks for all the kind comments everyone. All I can really do is get on with it. That's what i've been doing. I just wish I didn't feel anything about it anymore. Oh well, there are tons of cute guys far too young for me out there. ;)
MPH - I like tall. I am 5'9" myself. =)
I've known you a while now and I know how much this whole thing with this guy has screwed with you. I wish he'd just fuck off and leave you alone already. You were doing really well and he comes along with this crap. I care about you and it sucks to see this guy bring back old emotions that you had come close to having gotten over annoys the heck out of me. Heck and darn and darn and heck! See I'm even using strong language!!! Ha ha. Just trying to be silly and make you smile. Well, things will improve for you when you go to Oregon. Just think you won't be far away from "A-Town" and get to head over that way ha ha. :D. Things will be good out there for you. The change will do you good, gah, I hate even saying that since that Sheryl Crow song. But really I think it will :)
Thanks Steven. You of all people know how hard this has been. I really appreciate you always being there for me. You know I love you for it and i've always felt privilaged to be your friend. And if you ever say A-Town or any town starting using just the first capital like that again i'll gouge out your eyes. =) *lick*
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