Making a new post because I got tired of scrolling down and hey, it's my blog and I'll do what I want to.
Terry said...
I think you can't figure out what guys want because all guys are different. Since they are all unique and different themselves then there's no way they'd all want the exact same type of girl. Same way with girls.
Terry- Yes, I know everyone is different, that's a given. And I know I can't figure out the core of every man on earth and especially not in a blog post, I promise i'm not that stupid. I was hoping the lack of politically correct reprisals would afford me the benefit of insight a woman isn't likely to get in person.
What is the ulitmate ideal in their deepest darkest little heart of hearts and what makes them say to themselves. "This is a keeper". What i'm looking for is brutal honesty. The truth in the most basic sense without the sugar coated b.s. It doesn't all have to be the same, but it's easy to sum up.
Example:
ALL STRAIGHT WOMEN LOOKING FOR LOVE WANT. A good looking, romantic, caring, devoted, hard working, loyal, strong but sensitive man who treats you like you're a princess for the rest of your life. Bonus if he's great with kids. SCORE if he has a decent penis and knows what to do with it.
I feel confident in making that statement not as a generalization but a fact.
If all that weren't true, THE NOTEBOOK wouldn't be such a popular film. Although, I admit to gagging at it a couple of times, I'm just not much of a chick flick person.
I can also sum up how a man can make MOST women basically happy in 1 word. Security. No, not just financial security, although that is important. But emotional security, physical security, romantic security. If, through a mans actions, a woman is secure in the knowledge that her s.o. loves her, is not going to cheat on her and makes her feel like she is the important person in his life, she is going to be happy being with him. Minus the few psycho bitches who are just never happy no matter what. But that's to do with them, not men.
That is at it's most basic in the interest of saving time, but I am also pretty confident in that generalization. I even have a few male converts with improved relationships to back it up. I'd write a book if it weren't just so damn simple. As it stands I could only put out a flyer.
Likewise I already know men's wants in the most basic of terms. All any girl has to do is look at a personals ad and read between the lines. For instance..
"I am looking for a woman who's independant"
Read; Not a gold digger
"Physically fit and enjoys the outdoors"
Read; Not a fatty
"Takes care of herself"
Read; Not a fatty and likes to dress "hawt"
"Enjoys similar hobbies and interests"
Read; Won't bitch while i'm watching football or going fishing.
"While still having interests of her own"
Read; Won't smother the living hell out of me.
Simple.
What I would like is to hear more specifics. Like, even though they say they want independant and self confident women, why do they almost universally fall for the needy "Oh you're so big and strong could you help poor little me?" *eyelash bat, hair flip*. I don't care how smart they are they always do. I've tested it and there hasn't been a single one to refuse yet. Even the assholes get all giddy and starry eyed. Even my guy friends who KNEW my shit. Now I know the basic answer to this too, but I would like to know what's going on in their heads during those situations.
Why is it Carmen Electra is still a star even though she's been screwed by Dennis Rodman? I know she's attractive but in my book that girl should be an old maid never to experience a man again. Instead she married what I personally consider to be the ever elusive "gods gift to women". So I wonder if there is something about looking like you've been ridden by most of the celebrity trash in hollywood that somehow makes her more appealing? Or is it just, if your hot enough it doesn't matter what or who you've done.
What is the reason behind stereotypes. Like, the strong willed survivalist stripper with a kind heart. (Independance day and others). Yes the stripper thing is obvious, but why does she need to be strong and kind?
Fill in the blanks, "My girlfriend/wife rocks my socks and is the coolest girl in the world because ....."Insert answer here"....She makes me especially happy because she ..."Insert answers here".
All this interests me. It's all in fun for me. It's enjoyable to have an honest conversation about it, to be able to complain and spout off a little and hopefully both sides get to learn a little something new. There was a reason I majored in Anthropology.
Besides Kris started it. ;)
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
And the beat goes on...
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6 comments:
What men want? Well I can't speak for all men as a whole, because I'd like to believe that the human species isn't that simple. Call me crazy, but I think a answer even in its most basic of form, has to be more than a generalization. Anyhow, I can't tell you what I want, and I think MOST men will agree with me and those who don't are probably just lying in order to make themselves look better.
Although I like to think of myself as one of the less shallow guys I know, there has to be a physical attraction. I don't care how nice you are, if looking at them isn't appealing to your eye, then there is not much else going to come of it, except for the whole "lets just be friends" and most know that never last.
Then, and this is were is gets more difficult. There are certain things that I personally look for. Someone who is generally a "nice" person, and when I say "nice" I don't mean just to me. I like someone who has a kind heart and cares for other people as a whole, including my family. I'm not a "momma's boy" by any means, but if you can't respect my family, you are not respecting me. I cannot mention the respect thing enough.
In reality, I can just break it down to several things...
1. Don't lie to me (EVER): I hate being lied to. I don't care how little and white the lie is. If you lie to me about something small, all that says to me, is that you'd lie about anything
2. Public display of affection: If you are timid about kisssing me or holding my hand in public, I will get the impression that you are in some way embarrassed to be with me. This also includes but is not limited to going out with me and my friends. If you don't care to meet my friends then you don't care much for me and who I am or was before said relationship.
3. Make me feel special: By this I mean, don't make me think that you are only with me because "nothing better has come along" Maybe I'm being unrealistic, but I prefer not to watch my significant other stare and oogle over some other guy, while I'm sitting right next to them. This ALSO includes and is not limited to, watching TV together and making some comment about how hot someone on TV is. I'm not a moron, I know that all women think it, but you don't have to come out and say it. I just find it a little disrespectful. I won't do it to you, so please don't do it to me.
4. Love me for me: Personally, I don't like feeling like I'm constantly trying to live up to some standard. If the girl doesn't think that I am who she wants to be with in the beginning, then she shouldn't "wait" it out and try to change me. If they don't feel that I can offer them everything they "need" (i.e. money and security) then please.. do me a favor and find someone who can.
5. Don't fucking cheat on me.
My desires, I dont think are that unrealistic, just uncommon. However, I'm not one to "settle". I may not be the most attractive person in the world, but I'm a firm believer that everyone deserves what they want. I also believe, that to "settle" for someone is unfair to myself and the other person.
On the bright side... I've recently found someone that I have no problem calling "the one"
Nain- You're totally right, self doubt can suck. I did kill a potentially good relationship, with a beautiful and genuine young man, because of being insecure. Of course I excuse myself for it because I was only 17. =P
I wish I could find him to this day though.
Anonymous- Thank you for giving some honest answers. I just think it's a little strange that you said you can't tell what you want. How can you not know that? I mean obviously you know something because you have a little list there...Maybe that is a typo or I just read it wrong? I'm not sure. Either way the list is noted.
Kris- I don't think men sit around discussing it, that would be kinda prissy to them wouldn't it? (Although I have to tell ya, I have sat in on a bitch session with a few of my guy friends, WAY WORSE THAN GIRLS) But I'm sure at some point you think of those things you want individually, in your own head?
And what do you think women want? I did say women, teenaged girls obviously don't care how hard working or good with kids a teenaged boy is, at least not too much from what I remember. I still stand by my statement as fact, nain agrees and she is 10 years younger. =P
And to all guys, since the ones that answer seem to keep saying "we're not that simple"...I'm not trying to be snarky here, honest..But why is it if you're so complex you're generally so easy to manipulate? Really I think the lowest common denominator is what matters.
Sure you all want a girl who's a relatively decent person, but it seems to me that all bets are off if they look like a playboy model. It's got to explain why the horrible and bitchiest of gorgeous women get whatever they want. No? Yes?
Oh and it's interesting no one disagreed with the read between the lines bit...=P
Looks matter. I won't say they don't because I'd be more full of shit than a septic tank if I did. They do matter and are the first thing someone notices about you. When it comes to looks however, it isn't everything. Its a lot but it isn't everything. When I was working at Holiday Inn years ago there was this modeling thing going on somewhere near by. Well while I was doing housekeeping I spotted this woman. She was beautiful. Really eye catching and carried herself well. I thought she was stunning until she opened her mouth and it all went to hell. I had seen her in the hall and had gone back to cleaning a room, making the bed, emptying the trash, that kind of thing. Not exactly the best environment to try and 'pick up chicks' in, but I wasn't trying. I just wanted to go home and relax and not think of the crap you find in hotel rooms for a while. Anyway, when I was in the middle of cleaning I heard some shouting in the hall. I ignored it at first but it kept getting louder. Then I heard this little girl crying and I had to go check it out. Turned out that the woman I spotted before must have been there with her little sister, in town for whatever modeling thing was going on. She had her sister who had to have been about 10 dressed up looking practically like a clown in some funky dress. I guess that was supposed to be 'pretty' but honestly it made her look like a weird watered down 'Mini-Mimi' right off of The Drew Carry show. Anyway the woman was screaming at this girl as she practiced these dance steps near the elevator area. It was a decent sized space and there was more than enough room for that. I couldn't believe what a horrid beast was hidden inside the hollowed out and rotten shell of this woman I had thought was beautiful. The little girl was crying her eyes out, trying like hell to please her older sister who was unmerciful in tearing the little girl to pieces. If it had been a movie I'm sure I would have seen blood splattering on the stainless steel elevator doors. My point is, to me anyway, a woman can be absolutely beautiful, stunning, and have a incredible everything, but it really does come down to whats inside. Maybe I'm a rarity but I'd never hook up with someone like her. Not in a million years. Beautiful on the outside or not.
When I first saw my wife I noticed she had beautiful eyes and a great smile, and I know it may seem corny, but that moment she smiled at me - there was something in that moment, I swear. Later I checked out the whole package.
The eyes win first with looks, then comes personality, familiar likes and dislikes, like movies and books and music. It's really hard to take a chance on someone. There was a moment that I had that I think most men have; a moment of terror where you think you may be with this one person forever and how it could be a nightmare and you're not ready. I wanted to run, but couldn't, and I'm glad I didn't.
We're men. We run from love as if from a burning building, sometimes.
But that "she's a keeper" thing has got to be personality or whatever is inside. It makes us feel comfortable. It has to make us want to be a better person than we are, I think.
Thanks. I just try to tell the truth. I was going to ruin all of this touching stuff by saying something bold and manly, but I do that enough on MPH's blog.
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